Psalm 139:16b  Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.
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A Beautiful Example

8/28/2013

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PictureClick picture to hear the song mentioned in blog.
My heart is full of thoughts to share with you but today I want to focus on my baby sisters wedding.  What a beautiful day it was!  I was so impressed with the depth of their understanding concerning what they were doing.  Every moment was intentional, as a testimony to the God they love and serve.  Everything did not go exactly as they planned, it didn't even go exactly as they practiced but in the end the story was told and they are man and wife.

As with many brides, one of the first things Hannah looked for was her dress.  We went in large groups and small to every shop within 50 miles, looking for just the perfect dress that would create just the look she wanted.  There were many dresses that would have looked very nice but she had to find the one that would define her beauty in just the way she wanted to display it to her groom.  She did a wonderful job finding the dress for her and at the price that was right.

But on her day, it wasn't the dress that made her beautiful.  It was the radiance that shone from the inside out.  It was the joy and anticipation of things to come.   It was the thrill of knowing the love of her groom.  However, when she prepared to walk down the aisle, my eyes were not on her, they were on the one to whom she was giving herself.  It took all of the self control he could muster to stand still.  There was no doubt the moment he saw her.  His eyes went from anticipation to absolute ecstatic thrill at the beauty that would be his, to have and to hold from this day forward.

The sparkle in our father's eye told everyone that his blessing was on the coming together of these two people as one.  It was with pleasure that he put Hannah's hand into Job's, knowing that he was not losing a daughter but gaining a son.  Then the pastor pointed out something, I had never thought about before.  He said that just as Hannah's father was presenting her to the groom, so also, one day our Heavenly Father will present us (the bride church) to the groom (Christ).  That was just a really neat picture and it has since made me wonder if I'm putting enough time and care into preparing for my wedding day as part of the church.  Have I even thought about my dress and the beauty that I want to define?  Will my beauty shine from within like the radiance of a bride on her day?  Do I glow from the love of Jesus?  Or do I whine and pout like a child because my house or schedule or car or whatever else still isn't what I want?  Hhmm…the Israelites were called children.  Maybe it's time I grow up and become a bride instead of a whining child.

My vows to Marty were picked out by Pastor Bob Kutz and I have memorized them and reminded myself many times of what I promised because sometimes marriage is tough.  They came right out of I Peter 3, "Marty I promise my beauty will be that of my inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. I am her daughter if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."  Am I cultivating the quiet and gentle spirit that is of great worth in the sight of God or am I too busy demanding my rights when life is harder than I want it to be?  Am I hoping in God and praying for my husband as I follow him to unknown lands or am I giving way to fear and making the journey more difficult?  Tough questions but ones that I need to answer in order to prepare myself for that wonderful day.

Job and Hannah washed each others feet, in a display of what Christ did for his disciples and what He commanded us to do for each other.  She was so nervous and grossed out by it.  I didn't blame her.  Feet are icky.  It always sounds nice in the Bible stories we tell but are we really willing to do it?  I venture to guess most of us really don't want to because it means to lower ourselves to the status of a servant having no rights.  It means considering others better than ourselves and doing the best for them despite what it costs us.  What a statement to make in a marriage ceremony as you make vows to each other!  Something I noticed when the Bible tells the story in John 13 it says, "3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him."  Maybe our problem isn't so much being willing to serve but not being confident of who we are in Christ.  Jesus knew who He was, He didn't have to prove it to anyone.  He didn't risk being thought of as less, because what others thought really didn't matter.  Do I focus my worth so much on Christ that I can serve my family selflessly? 

My sister Sarah and I did a dance to the song "How Beautiful" by Twila Paris which was to help detract some of the attention off of the foot washing but that also meant the timing had to be just right.  Well, Sarah & I practiced and had our timing down and the day before we practiced with Hannah and Job to get that timing right.  It all came together perfectly and we were confident that they would finish washing feet and light their unity candle at just the right moment finishing the song with communion.  The day of the wedding arrived and a million details had all been sorted through.  Many people were working hard to bring everything to that perfect moment but life happens.  At the last minute the hall was rented out on the night before the wedding, so decorating fell on new shoulders the morning of.  It took longer than we wanted to decipher the plan but very talented friends and family helped to make it stunning.  In all the concentration on the hall, the sanctuary details were forgotten.  Our Mom and Job's Grandma went up to light their candles and there was no lighter!  Chanda had a lighter in her purse but it was in the other room.  She ran to get it while everyone giggled and waited.  Mom tried and tried but she couldn't get it to light.  My brother Josiah leaned over and asked his wife, "That wasn't one that I modified was it?"  Finally the candles were lit and the ceremony continued with two worship songs.  As we were singing, it was noticed that the wine glass and dish for communion were sitting on the table on the stage - EMPTY!  Running into the church kitchen we found two glasses.  Hannah had not yet started down the aisle and she directed us to the wine, however, there was no bread.  Pizza crust from the rehearsal would have to do.  Sarah and I prepared to carry it in as part of our dance.  Finally, settling in for the last worship song, I was glad that we had caught those issues before everyone noticed.  Chanda tapped me on the shoulder.  "There's no water in the foot washing bowl."  I could have smacked myself in the forehead.  Think fast.  Running to the kitchen I found a pitcher and filled it with water.  I found a kitchen towel as well.  I don't think this is what they had in mind but it would have to do.  The water and towel were given to the best man and he carried it in when they all entered the sanctuary.  All was settled.

It came time to wash Hannah's feet and Job dipped the towel in the bowl.  I hadn't thought about that.  I pictured sprinkle and dry.  Oh well, it was what it was.  The only problem was that Hannah's shoes didn't want to go on wet feet and Job's socks didn't either.  This put them behind and the timing was now off.  Hannah realized it and tried to move things along.  Sarah was concerned about being in front of them during a moment when we shouldn't and tried to correct it but I didn't pick up on it and the two of us nearly collided.  In the end, they were pronounced, "Mr and Mrs" so all was still perfect.  In fact, few people had any idea anything happened.  Even the bride and groom were unaware except that some things were not quite what they had expected.

I wonder do God's angels scramble around us making things be what they should while we are unaware?  Maybe those times when we get something unexpected are the times they had to improvise to prevent something much worse.  Maybe those times we think they aren't doing anything are the times that we just aren't in the right place to see all that they are doing.  Maybe those times when we have nothing to do with a beautiful surprise, is a time when He pulls in friends and family just to give you a special moment to smile.

Due to all the activity preparing for the wedding as well as normal everyday life, Marty and I went quite some time without a moment to speak to each other.  We went through the motions of life but there was little connection.  One night, I found myself laying awake despite my exhaustion, with fears playing games in my head.  By the time Marty came home from work that morning, he had one very tired and upset wife.  Finally, I talked to him and looked him in the eye and all of those absurd fears had to flee because they just weren't true and had no hint of truth but in the void they had crept in and tried to divide. 

Yet, another way that marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ.  If we don't regularly talk to our Savior, the enemy will sneak in and plant lies in our thoughts that will seem so real that we will act on them as if they are.  We will feel disconnected and alone.  Problems that are minor will grow into monstrous proportions causing even greater distance and misunderstanding.  I have been married for 21 years and even still, if we don't maintain our relationship intentionally, life will pull us apart.  We can walk with the Lord for years but if we don't continue to maintain our relationship with Him, we will find ourselves drifting away and being pulled in other directions.  It isn't enough to go through the motions of going to church or doing good things, but we need to take the time to connect through the Word and prayer.  It is the only way to grow close.  I shudder to think of where those pesky fears could have taken us had I not talked to Marty and reconnected.  God created us for relationship so why do we think that we can go through motions and not cultivate our relationship with Him but still remain close to Him? 

I'm glad God used a bride and groom to give such a sweet picture of His love for us.  Job and Hannah did a beautiful job of portraying that in their ceremony and I pray that testimony will only grow stronger in their marriage.  Thank you to everyone who helped make the day so perfect!

Many Blessings,
Misty Sunshine
Picture
Click on the picture to see some pictures the photographer put together from after the wedding while at the park.
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Dreams Refined

8/10/2013

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PictureMexico City team (Kristin & Victoria) Click picture for the referred song.
We stood in church singing,

God in my hoping 
There in my dreaming 
God in my watching 
God in my waiting 

 Just as quickly as I sang the words a thought was deposited in my heart that was such an encouragement to me that I knew I needed to share it with you.

I have shared in the past about crying in my living room as a 5 year old because I wanted orphans to have a home and not be split up from siblings.  I have carried that in my heart since, and honestly I have been frustrated with the burden because I have 7 of my own and no ability to physically provide for or take in other children.  Once while reading Mary Beth Chapman's book, "Choosing to See", I became so frustrated, I just sobbed and begged God to take this burden away if he wasn't going to give me the ability to follow through.  He spoke to my heart and said, "You may not be able to care for their physical needs but there are a lot of spiritual orphans out there who need someone to love and teach them."  Wow!  That brought so much comfort and peace that I no longer begged God to take away the burden but instead I use it as a reminder to pray for them and kids are always welcomed in our home.  My kids have brought friends to our house and we have been a safe place that freely shares Christ.  We have even seen some of them give their lives to Christ!  There is no way to describe the radiant beauty of a young girl as she announces that she accepted Jesus as her Savior.  There is no sweeter sound than the squeals and laughter of joy bubbling over in anticipation of a baptism.  When I thought my dreams were impossible and forgotten, the God who excels in the impossible remembered and refined my dreams to match up with His.

As a freshman in a Christian school, I was introduced to Teen Mania.  It provided opportunities for teens to go on mission trips.  I’d never even thought about such a thing but something inside me was stirred and I wanted to go.  I knew we had no money for such things but I was told that you get sponsors and don’t have to come up with all the money on your own.  I went home and asked my parents who quickly shot down my plans.  There was no way I could earn that much money and they were not about to send their daughter across the ocean.  I pressed a little but knew the answer was, “No”, so I dropped it but I never lost the desire.  (This would be a good example of a time my parents might not have been perfect but they did what they knew to do.  God even works in the midst of times that we don’t get it perfect.)  Later, I had the privilege of financially supporting and praying for mission trips including every one of my siblings.  

As a young mom taking care of Josh I have to admit I felt a little cheated.  My baby sister was in Texas for a one year internship with Teen Mania that included a bunch of mission trips.  Changing diapers, making toast and reading the same story 1,000 times felt so unimportant.  Then I read Matthew 25, “37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I saw it in a whole new light.  Aren't children one of the least?  Every day I see my baby hungry and feed him.  I see him thirsty and give him something to drink.  I dress him and care for him when he’s sick.  I am ministering to Jesus even though I have no audience and there is no one to thank me but a sweet, blue-eyed baby whose just learning to say, Dada.  I looked at mothering different after that.  I saw loving and caring for my children for the treasure it is.  So I poured my life into them, holding nothing back.  I spoke to them constantly about Jesus in our sitting and as we walked along the road.  I may not be a missionary across the ocean but I had little ones under my roof to train in the ways of God.  I was a missionary in my home.

Marty & I prayed through many storms, that tried to discourage and defeat us.  For starters, I didn't seem to be able to get pregnant.  We kept trying but nothing was happening, until one Sunday when Calista came up to me and asked if she could pray for me.  I hadn't even told her of the barrenness that seemed to be mine but she prayed.  It was awkward for us both since I hadn't asked for prayer and she seemed nervous and uncomfortable as well.  When she finished she apologized for being “weird” but said that when she was praying she saw a crust around me that fell off.  Neither of us knew what it meant.  One week later, Joshua David was conceived.  My pregnancy was not carefree and he was nearly born 2 months early.  When he was born, after intense travail, he wasn't breathing but praise the Lord he is just fine now. 

Much to our surprise it wasn't wasn't very long until we found out Kristin Joy was on her way.  Things went more smoothly with her until she was 8 hours old.  She made a funny sound then went limp in my arms.  A nurse whisked her away and I waited the longest 20 minutes of my life to know if my baby girl was dead or alive.  When they brought her back it was only on her way to NICU and I could barely see her a midst all the tubes and masks.  Today she is strong with the most adorable crooked smile to remind me of the day God breathed life back into her tiny lungs.

Soon after that we found out that Jared Nathan was coming.  He was born and everything seemed fine except that he was an extremely boring baby for the first 3 months.  He didn't make eye contact and rarely ever smiled at you.  I thought maybe I’d just forgotten how long it takes a baby to interact, until the doctor said to me, “I don’t think he sees anything.  Here is the name of a specialist.”  My world fell apart and I had no business driving home.   I know an angel got our car there because I couldn't see anything through my tears.  I tested over and over again and the only time I could get a response out of him is if he heard me or felt my touch.  No wonder he never hit at the toys we put in front of him.  That Sunday at my Mom’s insistence I took him up for prayer just hoping they wouldn't yell and shout and make a scene.  They didn't.  I’m not even sure if the pastor really believed anything would happen.  There were no visions, no tingles.  Just a prayer and an awkward departure.  Later that day out of habit I put him on the floor with those same toys he’d ignored his whole life.  But this time, he reached for them!  I moved them and he followed them with his eyes!  I moved them close enough to reach and he hit them, over and over again.  The specialist had no idea why I came because Jared’s sight was better than the average baby his age.  To this day he does not wear glasses, even though several siblings do.

We weathered job loss and skinned knees and home school that was "too hard".  We faced disobedience and tantrums; sickness and diapers.  But eventually all 5 of our children were starting to grow up.  I read an article about how families are needed for orphanage missions because the children will treat the orphans like children and give them a sense of freedom to be, instead of being the victim that needs to be felt sorry for.  I began to wonder, God could you use my family on the mission field to orphanages?  A few days later, I started feeling very sick.  I became so sick that everyone at church had to help me with everyday tasks because I was too weak.  They still talk about how worried they were about me when I would come to church every Sunday and be so worn I couldn’t even sit up but had to prop myself up on Marty.  Noah Martin was a total shock and he put my body through the wringer but today he & I are healthy and strong.  A family missions trip was out of the question especially when we found out Elijah Michael was coming to join our family as well.

We lost our home and our van.  The storms of life looked as if they were going to win and we would go down in defeat.  I wondered how my children would ever recover.  I saw the pain in their faces as life got frightening.  “Praise You in the Storm” became our song and Marty would play it often.  I dared not dream anymore, life hurt too much for that.  But as I look back over our lives, I see that God was shaping and molding all 9 of us through every trial.  He was preparing us for things beyond our dreams, things we couldn't even imagine.  The God who specialized in the impossible did not forget His dreams for us and he knew better than anyone what it would take to prepare us for them, even when we cried out in pain. 

I have never gone and I may never go on a mission trip overseas but my prayers and dreams are not left forgotten.  They are being refined.  So far, Joshua has been to New York & Peru.  He has witnessed to countless people in school or wherever he can find people willing to talk.  We even had the chance to love and care for one of his friends who didn't have a solid home, planting seeds that we still pray will grow.  

Kristin has been to Mexico City but more importantly she has witnessed to everyone who will listen at school.  We are even privileged enough to see some of the fruit from that.  We, also, had the chance to be a safe haven for several of her friends who needed one.  

Jared has been to Wyandotte and he is not shy about his witness at school.  He has a passion for people and pours himself into them.  He recently told me he is considering a life of helping orphans in India.  In the meantime, he is studying and praying about how to start a Bible study at school.

Victoria went to Mexico City and touched many lives there.  She loves showering kids with love and wants to go back.  She is already trying to figure out ways to raise money so she can take more people with her next time.  She is making these choices despite a ton of pressure not to go.

Matthew went to Wyandotte and served there.  Now he keeps talking about wanting to go to Kenya this November.

Noah is excelling in Junior Bible Quiz and loves talking to people about what he is learning.

Eli told me recently that he wants to be a pastor.  I said that might work since he loves people and he loves to tell stories about Jesus.  He grinned really big as he said, “And most importantly, I love Jesus with my whoooooole heart!”

Here’s the thing.  I thought my dreams were impossible.  I thought God was being cruel to put such a passion in my heart for something that could never be.  I went about my daily life making breakfast and snack and lunch and snack and supper and snack and…  I folded laundry that seemed like it would touch the ceiling.  I swept floors a million times, the whole time wondering why I even fed them since it all ended up on the floor anyway.  I felt unappreciated and insignificant.  I cleaned up more puke and pee than any one person should ever have to deal with in a lifetime.  I have wiped noses that ran like waterfalls and kissed skinned knees on top of skinned knees.  I've lost my temper and my keys.  I've left children places or tried to pick them up long before they should have been ready.  I've spent all night fixing things only to see them undone a few hours later.  I've tried to pick up toys like collecting snowflakes in a blizzard.  I've celebrated victories and cried in defeat.  But God is refining and preparing us for what He has ahead.  Not one moment was lost.  None of it was for naught.  He had a hope and purpose for every single second.  I could never have gone into all the places my kids have been.  I can’t sit in 7 different classrooms and be a witness to my peers but each one of my kids can.  I may never be a missionary outside my own home but I have 7 kids who want to go.  They can be 7 times more effective than I alone can ever be.

All of us have dreams that we think are broken and forgotten.  All of us have disappointments with the way things have turned out.  I am right there with you but that Sunday as I reached out toward my Savior and sang, “God in my hoping 
There in my dreaming, God in my watching, God in my waiting” I was comforted.  He is God.  Stop and think about that for a moment.  The Creator of all that we see, God.  The one who is so powerful that a simple word could wipe us all out, wants to interact with us.  He wants to see our dreams refined into something much greater than we are capable of understanding.  None of them are broken or lost.  He knows them and while you may think you are just living every mundane day doing what you must, He is working behind the scenes.  Even the things we think are awful and going to destroy us, even those things are for our good. 

Don’t give up hope!  It is not too late.

Galatians 6
7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

P.S.  I actually wrote this 2 Sundays ago but life went into crazy mode again before I could get the pictures and song added.  I can't wait to share some more things such as seeing my beautiful baby sister become Mrs. Job Holtzscher, but I wanted to make sure this was posted first.  Reading it again encourages me still.  I pray you will not allow any shame to bury you, but if there is reason for repentance that you would act on that and then move forward in victory knowing full well that even your dreams are being refined by a God who loves you and wants the absolute best for you.  A hundred dollar bill even if it's crumpled and dirty is still worth $100.  You may feel crumpled and dirty but you have not lost any value in His sight you are still worth every drop of blood he shed. 
Many Blessings, Misty Sunshine
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Hope

7/23/2013

6 Comments

 
PictureClick the picture for a song of hope.
This summer has been very strange and I can't figure out how it is making me feel.  Shortly after school was out my kids started going to church camp which meant for 3 weeks I was missing people from around the dinner table.  Add to that my teenagers have all participated in some type of missions work which has pulled them away from my table again even longer.  And now that school is coming closer Jared is leaving for band camp and shortly after Victoria returns from Mexico City she will head to cross county camp.  I'm really looking forward to a couple weekends from now when thanks to an unexpected gift, all 9 of us will be together for a 2 night get away in a cabin at Mohican.  Just after that we will all be celebrating as we add yet another member to our family when Job marries my baby sister Hannah.  It will also be when we finally get to meet the newest current member - my littlest brother's daughter born on July 15th.  Then Joshua will start college, Kristin will be a Senior and Eli will be in school all day instead of half day.  It's kind of all hitting at once.

It doesn't seem like it was very long ago at all that I sat outside on our bench in the shade with a notebook writing my feelings about how I was failing as a Mom.  I was homeschooling and putting so much pressure on myself to be someone that doesn't exist in real life.  I'd had a particularly trying day and I remember writing, "I just need a giant F plastered on my forehead because that is what I am - a F-A-I-L-U-R-E."  I wanted so desperately to raise children who loved the Lord and lived their lives for Him.  I wanted them to know how to learn and I wanted them to be able to think through things instead of simply believing whatever was told them.  I wanted them to have compassion and care toward others, but instead I saw a bunch of kids being - well…kids.  I doubted that I was able to complete the task before me.  I doubted that they would ever be all that I hoped they would be, because I just knew I was failing as a mom.  The good news is that it drove me to my knees in prayer.

Since then, we have been through so many things that I never would have written into our lives.  We have been through things that have taken us to our limits and then some but in all of it we clung onto the only constant we knew - Jesus.  I remember at one time telling Him that I wasn't going to trust Him anymore because I just felt that He had let us down on some things.  It was kind of like he crossed His arms and leaned back with a grin as He said, Ok, then, who or what are you going to trust?  I started trying to name things or people but realized that every one of them had let me down in some way.  Finally, I had to admit that there was no other thing I could put my trust in.  Even when I felt God had let me down, looking back I knew He had really done what was best despite what my thoughts were on the issue.

Today it is with great joy that I have the privilege of sending those same kids who had me believing I was a failure out to Wyandotte to serve the community, pray for people and show kids God's love.  I get to send them to Mexico City where they will love the unlovable with God's love and serve them with hearts that understand.  Despite my doubts and failures, God is working in the lives that I have spent so many years praying into.  Funny thing though, I miss them like crazy and though I am thrilled beyond words at what God can do with failure, I am sad to know that it won't be long until they really do fly the nest.  I will miss those long late nights discussing life or wrestling through emotions that are strong.  I will miss being challenged in my own faith as I am questioned about things I never thought through.  I will even miss those arguments with fists pounding the table as they wrestle through making their own faith real.

Now before some of you start feeling guilty or bad let me say really really loud that it isn't too late.  Maybe you didn't do everything perfect, neither did I.  Maybe you have prayed and it feels like they are not being answered, let me just say life is messy.  Something Pastor Kevin used to always say, goes something like this:  Birth is loud and painful and messy but it's life, funerals are quiet and orderly.  Don't give up, keep praying even when it feels like they are going unanswered, especially then.  If you think that you can wrestle your children out of the kingdom of darkness without a bloody fight you are wrong.  We have to devote our lives to following after Christ and pray constantly for the lives of those we love.  I just have such a strong sense of wanting to encourage you to not give up.  Those who have been forgiven most will love the most.  Isn't that what Jesus said about the sinful woman.  None of us want our kids to go through things that hurt, it goes against our nature as parents but covered in prayer it will bring them out stronger and better able to conquer the enemy.

If you doubt that's ok.  Pastor Scott pointed out some awesome things about doubt in his sermon Sunday that I never realized.  I had always heard about having to have faith and if things didn't work out it's because you didn't have enough faith.  But look at what Matthew 28 says, "16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Despite their doubt Jesus gave them actions to follow and they changed the world.  We cannot be good enough to do all things perfectly and God knows that.  Jesus wasn't putting his faith in them to accomplish, He was putting it in His Father to accomplish through them despite their doubt. 

Remember the man who's son had an evil spirit and Jesus asked him if he believed.  The man answered, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  Jesus knows we are weak and He loves to reach out to those who are reaching toward Him.  Keep reaching for Him and if things don't go as you want at least you will have His comforting arms to hold you through it.

I still have 2 little ones that are being molded and I find myself doubting that I can do it well, especially since I am so stretched with working and having teens involved in so many things.  I still have 5 teens to get through their teen years which can be awesome one second and awful the next, there are no guarantees that they will finish strong.  I walk through my house and though I am thankful, I find myself doubting that I will ever be able to feel like it's nice.  But I will not let it get me down.  My God is bigger than my doubt and I will keep reaching toward Him for hope until Heaven when I will be perfect and never doubt again.

Dear Lord,
I have such a burden right now for those who read this and think that they have a giant F on their forehead.  I pray that you would encourage their spirit and let them know in their heart of hearts that You haven’t given up and neither should they.  Bring them someone to speak encouragement into their lives that will offer them hope to face today.  Let the joy of the Lord be their strength as they face each challenge before them. 
In Jesus name,
Amen.

Pics I pulled off facebook.  Mexico City pictures are still in Mexico.  Keep them in prayer, please.

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Every Moment Counts

7/16/2013

7 Comments

 
PictureThis is my Mom and a song that reminds me of her & Dad.
We had a family get together again on July 4th.  Every time we do that I count my blessings because I have an awesome family.  It makes me sad to hear others talk about family gatherings with less enthusiasm than a root canal.  Once at the store I heard someone saying they were buying beer so they could get drunk enough to endure their family for a couple hours.  We were together not just on the 4th but also the 5th and the 6th because we wanted to be together and no one was drunk.  We had planned to tent camp in my brother's yard but  due to our very wet summer we opted for indoors.  Aaron does not have a large house, it is a simple, welcoming 3 bedroom with one bathroom but somehow we fit all 23 of us in.  Mostly we enjoyed being outside in their large yard or swimming in the pond.  These are the things memories are made of.

We've started a new tradition of celebrating birthdays by the season so we joined our birthdays with the country's and just celebrated all weekend.  As part of this new tradition we pray for each birthday person so each night we prayed for a couple people at a time around the campfire.  That left just my Mom who hadn't yet been prayed for.  Another new tradition is that we all go in on one gift and we all sign one sheet of paper that my sister decorates as our card for each person.  So on Saturday we sang "Happy Birthday" five times and gave a gift and a card to each person saving Mom for last. 

Being the oldest child I had the privilege of opening in prayer then my Dad closed.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I listened while my siblings thanked God for our mom.  I thought of all the things she has given to us and what a treasure they are.  We've never had lots of money but somehow as kids we didn't know it.  She gave us love unconditionally and she believed in us even when we couldn't believe in our selves because she knew the power of the God that she diligently sought on our behalf.  She showed us patience and consistency.  She knew us and encouraged us to pursue what we loved.  She let us know when we did wrong and set us back on the right path.  She was never too busy for us when we needed her and somehow the necessary things still got done.  She taught us responsibility with chores.  She taught us to do our best and never give up.  I could go on but you get the idea.  :)

I was struck with inspiration as her children-in-law gave thanks for her and I realized just how much she welcomed them into the family like one of her own.  In fact, it felt funny to write in-laws because we just don't think of each other that way.  I hear so many jokes and stories about bad in-laws but Mom has modeled for us what a good in-law looks like. 

As her grandchild prayed for her I was awed by the legacy this simple woman is leaving.  Sitting in that room were 23 people brought together by this one couple and that isn't even all of us, we were missing my sister in California and my brother in Michigan.  All together, because of my parents there is a family of 30 who love the Lord and each other.  I remember the stories she would tell us of being a teen and spotting my really cute dad.  They have such an interesting story that I hope to someday write a book about it called "Little Sleeping Bag on the Highway".  I got my name from hippies.  :)

I wonder when she traded seashells on the beach with my dad if she had any idea that her everyday simple choices would someday contribute to the Kingdom of God.  When her baby faith kept her from seeking fulfillment in the drugs my dad tried did she know she was protecting many lives.  When she prayed for my dad's salvation and even for him to have a bad trip could she have guessed what an incredibly strong faith that man would one day posses.  When she carried me in her arms along the highway or when she was awakened from her sleep by a voice calling my name to stop before I ran into the highway, could she have any guess that one day those tiny little arms would carry 7 little ones who would call her Grandma.  As each of her children were born and she poured her life into each one, did she imagine that one day they would rise up and call her blessed?  

When our teen hearts were broken and she prayed for our spouses- to- be did she imagine each one of them as the perfect match that they are.  Did she love them even then?  When we were upset with our spouse and we called her to vent she didn't take sides but offered her quiet enduring example and prayed.  Did she know she was protecting marriages and strengthening them?  Did she realize the little eyes of grandchildren who were watching and counting on her to help keep their parents strong?

If you ask her she would say she is just a wife or just a mom or just a grandma but look what she has done with that!  It was a very tangible reminder of how every little choice we make, every little time we choose to keep God first we affect not just our future but the future of generations.  Let this be a reminder to us all that every moment matters.  But let me also remind you that God is redemptive and His love covers over a multitude of sins.  Mom wasn't perfect and she didn't always get it right but somehow we forget those times when we see the consistency of her life seeking her Lord.  God is a God of grace and he loves to pour it out on those whose hearts are seeking Him.  Keep your eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith.  Hang in there and don't give up.  Others are watching you and gaining strength.

One last thought for those of you who have prodigal children - as long as they are breathing they cannot escape your prayers.  It would take too long to tell of each of my & my siblings stories but all of us would say, "Mom prayed us through some dark times."  Do not let shame grip your heart and pray boldly for the children or spouse you love so much.  Know that Jesus loves them even more.  Remember the first children were perfect.  They had a perfect father and everything they could ever desire but they still chose sin.  Their father didn't give up on them, don't you give up either.

Dear Lord,

I pray for all who read this blog that they would be encouraged by the simple faith and life of my very quiet mother.  I pray that you would strengthen the hearts of the weary parents who feel as if they are losing the battle.  Bring people into their path who would encourage them in just they way they need to hang on.  Remind discouraged "just moms" or "just dads" how very important they are to You and give them joy for the journey.  Bring the hearts of the children to a relationship with You.  Your servants grow weary in this war torn land, Lord, let Your joy be their strength and wisdom be their path.

In Jesus name,

Amen. 

Our Family Gathering

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Blessed

7/1/2013

4 Comments

 
PictureClick picture for a song.
Sometimes I wish my life could be a book but probably not for the reasons you might think a writer would think that. It's so that I could write into my life - "Some time later..."  Or maybe "After awhile..."  I wouldn't actually have to walk through the seconds of the mundane or the struggle.  I would just skip over that part for the sake of the reader.  But life doesn't work that way.  We must wake up each morning, put one foot in front of the other and live every moment of our days - good, bad or indifferent.  I would like to write to you and say that after some time I am just fine with our house and we are all completely satisfied with how our lives are.  I guess that would make for a pretty boring book, so God the author of our lives keeps us interesting making our lives a story worth reading.  I do sometimes wish for a boring chapter though.

Nothing has changed on the house.  The counters still fill up with dishes and the laundry room is never empty.  Puppy's toys are forever being stepped on and someone is always in the bathroom when you need it, but that isn't so different from other houses, if my guess is right.  I have been considering all the good that has come from moving here.  I'll try to name a few:  Timing was perfect - it allowed Joshua to graduate and Kristin to start at Penta just when she needed to.  We live in a town that is quiet and "safe".  We have no business being able to live here on our income but in God's grace we are privileged to sit outside and let our kids go to the pool and not be afraid.  Noah and Eli have learned to swim and all the kids love hanging out at the pool.  All of us have lost weight and feel healthier.  We are at a church that is good for our whole family. Josh has had many opportunities to use his musical talents in the way he feels he ought.  Jared is getting to rise up as a leader and being given freedom to teach and learn. Kristin has made friends both saved and not yet but we have the privilege of loving them into the family of God.  Victoria is running cross country and track and marching in the band.  She is stretching herself in ways she never has and she is growing stronger in the Lord.  Matthew is finding work and getting to earn a little for his hard work.  Noah and Eli are gaining confidence and friends and they are allowed to play outside so much more. We finally got the puppy everyone wanted.  Marty is getting to coach and substitute teach.  I am working only part time and we are still paying all of our bills.  We are home owners.  We have been closer to family both to help them and receive help from them.  AND it has been such a joy actually going to kids programs and having their grandparents get to come.

All of these things and more are possible in whole or in part because we moved here.  God is so good and kind.  His ways are so much greater than ours.    Yet, I still struggle with wanting a nicer looking house and I grow impatient in the wait, because I can't just skip ahead to the chapter where I have truly learned contentment in it's full measure.

Something I did notice though that I thought I might share because I know I'm not the only one on earth who has ever desired something they don't have.  I know I am not the only person who has had to let dreams be rearranged by life.  I know I am not the only person that has sought something and not gotten it.  I noticed this when I had some time to let the fact that we didn't get the loan sink in.  I became "lost".  I had spent so much time and energy thinking about and planning and expecting, that I suddenly had no idea what to do with myself.  I had a hard time doing the normal everyday stuff because honestly, I felt like, "What's the point?  This is how it is.  This is how it always will be.  Why bother."  Then I was hit with a realization.  I had been so consumed with making the house into what I wanted that it became the thing I sought.  It became my reason for accomplishing. It became what woke me up in the morning.  And that, my friends, is not OK.  I was not created to pour my all into a project.  I was not designed to seek first the roof and windows.  I was created to pour my all in to the work set before me by my Lord.  I was designed to seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness.  Even though there is nothing wrong with a home and wanting to fix it and make it nice, there is something wrong with putting that first in your life and God will not share first place.  He won't share it with our family or friends or dreams or ministries.  He must be first and I had gotten my eyes off of that.  I could tell you a lot of good reasons that I needed to focus on the house but that didn't make it right to seek that above all else.  

I don't know what God's plan is for the house but I must trust Him one day at at time to take care of our needs.  Pastor Scott has said multiple times that to be blessed is to have what you need to accomplish what God has for you to do and to be cursed is to lack what you to need to accomplish what He wants.  When I consider that definition of blessing instead of the world's which says you have to have the nicest and the best, I realize just how truly and absolutely blessed we are.  Our house doesn't have to be pretty to welcome in a friend and love on them.  Our house doesn't have to be pretty to relate to a new neighbor who is having landlord issues and feels their home is lesser.  Our house doesn't have to be pretty to have deep spiritual discussions with my teenagers as they wrestle with the things they read in scripture.  It doesn't have to be pretty to give someone a smile when you walk down the street and see their entire countenance lift.  We have been able to do and be so many things for His Kingdom and not one of them requires that our house is pretty.  We are BLESSED!  

My hope is that you will read this and be encouraged to look at all that you have been blessed with and take your eyes off of what you think you need.  If you need it God has promised to give it.  Maybe what we are considering a need God knows is not and that's why we don't have it, despite our greatest efforts.  Instead of wondering what we've done wrong to deserve such lack, we should look at all we do have and ask what is it that You want me to do with this?  If we can change our thinking and get our minds off of our selves and our own plans maybe it would position us to better hear His plans and use what He has already provided.  There is no satisfaction like that which Jesus can give when He speaks to our hearts, "Well done".  Enjoy your journey until next time.

Many many blessings in Christ,
Misty Sunshine
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Trials aren't meant for destruction but perfection

5/22/2013

3 Comments

 
PictureClick picture for an encouraging song
Where do I start?  I have been a whirlwind of contradicting emotions.  I used to think I was pretty calm but lately, I've been fighting battles that have tossed me all about.  I actually had this title a month ago but I thought I would be sharing about how a discussion with my oldest son helped me realize that truth.  Apparently, God wanted me to know that truth for myself so I could share it at a gut level and not just out of my head.  In order for some of my comments and thoughts to make sense I have to share some more history that some of you will already know because you have walked with us in prayer for these last 10 years.

Years ago, Marty was teaching an adult Sunday school class on David and we were discussing a time that David went to the Philistines for help.  (This was after he killed Goliath, a Philistine)  His lack of dependence on God didn't go over so well with God and it got David into trouble.  As we were talking I felt a very strong sense that God was not happy with us either.  We would pray for direction and then when God didn't provide in the manner we thought he should we would use credit to go forward with what we believed we needed, instead of seeking God for His direction and realizing that maybe He didn't provide in that direction because that wasn't the direction He wanted us to go.  Ouch!  Marty and I discussed it and decided we wanted to put our hope and trust in God and allow Him to direct our  paths so we stopped using credit.  It felt good to be doing what we believed to be right even though sometimes it was tempting to want to use credit again.

Not long after that, Josh was asking me about what different characters in the Old Testament did.  He was trying to squeeze in some last minute work for a Boys Club badge.  He got to Elijah and I had to admit that was a tough one because Elijah and Elisha did so many similar things that I couldn't remember which stories went with which man.  I told him about how God miraculously provided oil for a widow to set her free from debt protecting her son from prison.  As I was walking in for Bible study, I felt strongly in my heart that God was saying that He would set us free from debt and slavery to it.  I acted like Abraham's Sarah and chuckled to myself as the enormity of that seemed crazy, especially since we were currently in a situation where Marty's work load had increased while his income has decreased by 2/3.

Bible study was about the Israelite's being in slavery.  God told them through Moses that He had heard their cries and he was going to set them free.  They didn't believe either, especially when Pharaoh became angry with Moses and removed their supplies to make bricks but still demanded that they produce as much as before.  Since I don't believe in coincidence, I started to wonder if maybe God was getting ready to free us from the slavery to debt just as he freed His children from Egypt.  I anticipated that somewhere there would be a great increase so we could pay it off.  

Instead, Marty's job went away and we had zero income.  I will keep a very long story short by saying we endured heartache and disappointment  greater than I ever imagined.  We lost everything and had to move 2 hours away from everyone we knew when I was only a month shy of delivering our 7th baby.  Words can't even describe the loss we felt.  We had a strong church family and biological family who supported us with more love and prayer than any one family can ever deserve but we were leaving them.  To make matters worse without our van there wasn't even a way to come back and visit. The home we moved to only brought more trials and I was faced with my greatest fear in all the world.  YET, God remained a constant and faithful guide.  He got us through the minefields and brought miraculous events to our lives just when we were about to give up all hope.  Our song was "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns, but there were times I remember crying out to Jesus and saying, "I just don't want to praise You in this storm.  It hurts too much!"  But he was faithful and never left us, just as He promised.  I won't even try to mention all the names of people He sent to help us through but if you were one of them please know we are forever grateful for your obedience to Him.

At one point, we could have tried to come back but everyone was pretty much settled in and I began to feel more like Lot's wife, who longed too much for her past life and never got to have a future.  Life wasn't anything like I ever imagined or wanted but it was good.  I could see how God had used this for much good in the hearts and lives of my family and I determined to settle in and find the joy in where we were.  Then we received a phone call that would change our lives yet again.  We were going to move back home and with that came many obstacles and heartaches again because we had finally connected away from home.  Just after moving is when I started this blog so you know the rest of the story so far.

Over the last few months we have been working very hard to get out of survival mode financially and actually be proactive with our income.  By God's grace we are making progress toward that goal.  We have also done some research and had people out to the house to get some estimates on things.  Finally we talked to a bank loan manager who gave us hope that we could actually be approved for a loan.  I began to let myself dream about what the house could look and feel like.  I pictured real walls in my dining room and a fireplace in the living room.  I could feel the smooth surface of the kitchen and dining room floor on my bare feet.  The idea of walking on carpet with just socks was so soft.  I imagined pulling into my driveway and looking with pleasure at my pretty house and oh how wonderful it would be to simply open the windows when it was nice out instead of messing with having to change storm windows and screens.  I wondered what would be the perfect color roof and where would I put flowers.  I was almost giddy with the thrill of having a house that wasn't full of holes and plaster dust.  But I was also afraid of what it would be mean to go back into debt.  Even though it has been 7 years, I remember ever so clearly the dread of seeing the due date approaching and the knot it would create in my being, knowing that I had no way of repaying what I owed.  In order to get a loan we had a to have insurance as well but could we afford both?  The idea of losing another home terrified me and thinking of losing a home that had been in the family for so long nearly paralyzed me.  I prayed that God in His knowledge and wisdom would not let the loan go through if it wasn't the best thing for our family.  We waited and they needed more paperwork and we waited again.  It felt like forever.

Finally, I talked to the bank and they told us that they regretted to inform us that are unable to finance us at this time.  Time stopped and so did my heart.  We spoke a little longer but I had to get off the phone before the flood of emotions broke through my walls.  I went to the bathroom because it was the only place I could close and lock the door.  I just needed to cry.  I wanted to scream, but little Eli, oblivious to his mother's pain came to the door asking me if I knew what color a tornado was.  Try as I might to get him to leave he stayed there asking question after question wanting nothing more than the presence of his mommy.  I dried my tears and exited to answer his questions and get his lunch.  I couldn't wait for him to leave for school so he wouldn't see the hot tears as they burned down my cheeks in disobedience to my will.

Finally, a very rare hour came and the house was silent.  I cried and so began my battle.  On one hand, I was extremely relieved, God closed the door and I don't have to dread a loan again.  Yet, we have a lot of repairs that are needed on this house.  How will we ever...?  These are not a little at a time expenses that you can spend 5 years saving for and expect the house to still be standing when your ready to give it a roof. But God knows that.  He isn't in Heaven calling a gathering of angels to see if they have any ideas on how to fix this major roadblock that He didn't know was coming.  He caused the Israelite's shoes to not wear out while they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years!  If it be His will, our roof could last as long as He wants it to last and in that I can rest and take comfort and find hope.  I serve a BIG God and He loves me so I do not need to fear.

However, I keep wanting to go back to Egypt where I knew what to expect. Where I have become settled in and where I can tangibly see what I want.  I hear comments and conversations and a dart of discouragement or doubt gets through my shield of faith.  I feel the heaviness of loss and I don't want to trust for the future.  One day one of the kids had a couple friends over and they are young enough to have no filters.  They kept going on and on about how we needed to fix this broken house.  My son, unaware told them about his hope to one day have a room that is painted with sports on the walls and glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.  I had to go in the other room so they wouldn't see the pain as it grabbed my heart and began to wrestle me to the ground.  Later that same day another child had some friends over and they couldn't say enough about how welcomed they felt here in this awesome house with character.  I was encouraged to see that we can welcome and love people no matter what our walls look like.

Then, I hear some ladies talking about getting new floors or a pool and envy shoots past my shield and whispers in my ear longing and desire for what is not mine to have.  We took the storm windows out this weekend and thank God that while Marty was trying to fix our mower Jared put in the screens.  I don't think I could have done it without breaking down.  We were supposed to replace the windows not put in the screens!  Suddenly cleaning up the garage became a monumental task because my mind was all tangled up.  At one point he couldn't get the screen in so I looked from the outside and saw the reason.  The wooden frame holding the glass on the top of the window was disintegrating.  We worked together and managed to get the screen to hold up the glass but at one point when the glass nearly crashed down on our fingers a word I don't normally use escaped from my lips and I was embarrassed.  It only proved to me yet again how short I come when it comes to fully relying on God.

But the good news is this.  God knows already and He still gave me trials to learn from.  He didn't allow them so he could point His finger and shame me.  He allowed them so I could see just how desperately I need Him and how apart from Him I can do nothing.  This trial wasn't meant for my destruction but for my perfection and because of that I can consider it pure joy (James 2) to go through knowing that it is for my good.  I want to be like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who said that they believed God could save them from the fiery furnace but even if He didn't they would still worship Him alone. (Daniel 3) I want to be like Job who said that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1)  I want to be like Joshua and Caleb who spied out the land God had promised them and said that our God can handle whatever we must face there. (Numbers 14)  But I will not grow into that strong faith if I don't face trials of many kinds.  (John 16)

I don't share this because I want you to feel sorry for me but I wanted to be transparent about how hard it is to struggle through disappointment and loss.  There is no shame in hurting but we must also seek God continually to help us get the right perspective.  We are in His hands. He is not in ours.  Everyone of us face trials and heartache, I hope you find courage to fight and trust knowing you are not alone.  Some moments you will feel strong and believe you are winning, other times you will wonder why you even bothered to wake up that morning but hang on to Jesus and He will get you through and if you let him He will get you closer to perfection.

Many Blessings,
Misty Sunshine


P.S.  I finished writing this yesterday but wanted to add the picture and song so I decided to wait to post since I was falling asleep.  Today, Victoria was opening her window and the glass exploded all over.  Thank God she only has a small cut on her finger.  It's the inside window so we will be fine with plastic through the summer then when it gets cold we will put the storm window back in.  It could be much worse so I am grateful, however, it allowed another dart to penetrate my shield and hopelessness wants to settle in.  Matthew told me last summer that this house is not more than we can handle because God gave it to us and He doesn't give us more than we can handle.  Thank God for wisdom from the mouths of babes.  I cling to the truth of it but I would ask that when we come to your mind, you would offer a prayer that we would be able to keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. 


Hebrews 11:1-2  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
3 Comments

Quick update

4/23/2013

2 Comments

 
Hi Friends,

I just wanted to touch base quickly and let you know a lot is going on in the back ground right now that I don't feel free to share.  Life has been on the overwhelming setting and I'm just trying to find the correct priorities setting.  I will say that we are looking into getting financing and professionals who actually know what they are doing but we need a lot of wisdom and favor.  Honestly, I'm terrified of getting any kind of loan after all we have been through.  It is all in God's hands. 

I have started working again but I'm hopeful that soon I will be able to update these regularly again.  We would really treasure your prayers right now as it feels like so many things are hanging on the decisions we will make in the next few weeks.  Thanks so much!!!
2 Comments

Don't Pray

2/26/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
Click the picture for a song about mercy
If you want to remain as you are - don't pray.  If you want to dwell on the wrongs of others - don't pray.  If you want to believe you are right and they need to change - don't pray.  If you don't want to change - don't pray.

I promised you in the welcome page of this blog to be honest about life but sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just write what I want to in a way that makes me look better.  Then I wouldn't have to share the ugly truth.  But that would not challenge or encourage you and it would be lying on my part.  I like to believe that after 35 years of following the Lord that I might have some things together.  I want to believe that maybe I'm more right than wrong.  In fact, without actually saying it or even consciously thinking it, maybe if certain people would be more like me then the world would be a better place.  Isn't that a proud thing to think?

I recently came across a picture from our house in Bettsville.  The picture was of our garden.  It was even prettier than I remembered.  But it took all summer, all day, everyday to get it that way.  I worked on my hands and knees pulling out weeds and hauling them to the compost.  I loosened the soil around the plants to allow the water to nourish them.  I planted the seeds and watched them emerge.  I picked out the seeds and determined where each thing would be planted.  Let me rephrase that we (my husband and I) did all that and more.  There are so many lessons to be discovered in the dirt, if you just  put your mind on God and let him open your eyes as you work.  

One major thing that sticks in my memory though, is the weeds.  We hauled over 70 large wheel barrels full, so I guess they made an impact.  I imagined my heart to be God's garden where he plants seeds to bring forth a bountiful harvest but in that garden are weeds.  Some weeds are huge and obvious.  Some are tiny and even look, for awhile, like they might be a seedling that I planted.  When I see the big ones, I go straight to them and get them out of there.  I am always amazed at how shallow their roots are and how fairly easy they are to pull.  Even when you have to use a shovel and work a little the roots are still gone when your done.  But not so with the little ones.  You have to work carefully and with a scrutinizing eye to find them and get their amazingly large roots system out; even though usually, the roots remain, long after the green shoot has broken off.

It got me thinking about the big sins.  You know the ones:  stealing, killing, drugs, illicit sex...These are things that we recognize quickly and usually these are the testimonies we hear.  Testimonies of how God delivered people from obvious sins.  Sins  that are hard to hide.  But we don't talk about or even sometimes recognize the more subtle ones.  In fact, if not carefully scrutinized they could even look like good fruit.  These are things that run much deeper within us.  These are sins with a root system that permeates every area of our lives:  lying, cheating, gossip, selfishness, greed, superiority, grudges, bitterness, pride, self sufficiency...  When we go through storms it waters both the weeds and the seeds. Both grow noticeably and we had better be ready to pull the weeds while the soil is still soft or they will take over as it hardens.  I could end on that note and you would have plenty to think about but that is just my preparing the soil for what I want to share today.

In Aug. 2008, Marty and I were going for a walk.  I had been pulling weeds just before that and praying.  I told God that I was tired of storms.  I'm glad to learn lessons but I just didn't think I could stomach the idea of living the rest of my life dancing in the rain.  I needed some sunshine, so please teach us whatever Your trying to teach us so we can get out of this storm.  That's when I realized that storms soften the dirt to make pulling the weeds easier.  So I asked Him, what weeds do we need to pull.  I won't go into all the details but in a nutshell while we were on our walk we discussed some things and I promised Marty that if he wanted to go back to school to get a higher degree or pursue a different career, I would support his decision.  Before I knew it, all sorts of things fell into place and I was working while Marty was going to school to become a teacher.

Now fast forward to Aug. 2010.  I am sitting in the bleachers beaming as I watch my husband walk across the stage wearing his graduation gown and the cord signifying his honor of being Magna Cum Laud.  He not only got his Bachelor's with honors, he did it in only 2 years while also juggling the roll of stay at home dad with seven children.  We had a party and celebrated!  All he had to do was a little student teaching and he could teach, maybe he could even start full time with his own class by fall of 2011.  He would sub until then.  

Then the bottom of our party fell out.  When he went to find out the exact specifications to get his license we found out that either we were misinformed or we misunderstood or both, but he had at least another 2 years of full time school to be able to have a classroom.  For a lot of reasons, this meant he would have to work and go to school which would take even longer.  His fabulous sprint to the end was for nothing, it seemed.  I was livid.  This was not what I signed up for.  A couple years working was hard enough but I only ever wanted to be a homemaker.  I saw no greater calling than to raise up the next generation of Christians and open my home to others.  Working full time had not only consumed all my time, but also, my energy to put into anyone, let alone my own family.  I was just as done working as he was schooling but that didn't matter so we continued on with both of us discouraged and exhausted.  His grades suffered and my family suffered as I didn't have the energy for anything else in my own little world of self pity and frustration.  This wasn't the way we planned it.  This wasn't what we thought God directed us to.  This was just too hard.  I wanted a way to give up but I couldn't find the off switch.

November 27, 2011, while visiting Marty's Mom and Aunt Pete I spotted a devotional and read the daily thought.  It made me angry and I told God I was done with all this mess.  I wanted Him to show me where we went so wrong that life was so much disappointing chaos.  I felt hurt and confused because as far as we could tell, we did everything we understood Him to direct but yet every area of our lives felt like utter chaos and unrest.  Where was the peace?

November 29, 2011, we received a phone call about 11:30 pm that would change our lives forever.  Aunt Pete had been whisked to Heaven by a car accident and would we take the family home that was two hours away.  School for Marty came to a halt, as we tried to sort through it all. 

June 22, 2012, was my last day at work because we no longer lived close enough.  I would focus on making the house back into a home, with all the repairs that were needed it would be a full time job and then some.  I put my whole self into it and did  my absolute best.  Marty did the same while also working in a factory because it was the quickest job available.  Life should get better now, right?  Wrong.  I don't know a thing about house projects and Marty needs to work with people not machines.  That is who God made us.  Both of us were extremely frustrated as we tried to be hammers when we were created to be hands.

Soon after we moved, Marty would ask if I might want to look into this job or that and I absolutely refused.  I was not going back to work.  I'd been there, done that and I wasn't going back.  He tried to suggest different help wanted ads and I just got hurt and angry that he would even dare suggest such a thing.  Didn't he think all I was doing at home was enough?  At the same time we were watching our expenses pile up while our income wasn't.  The pressure was on him to fix it somehow.  He couldn't see any answer except to get a different job or a 2nd job or something.  But no matter what he did, it didn't include any time to even try to become a teacher or use his degree in any way.  Seeing no alternative, he silently went to work at a job he doesn't like, to provide for a family he loves, rather than cause a major fight, with the wife he is committed to.  And I complained to God because Marty seemed so distant and slow to help when I needed it.  I worried about how to make life work the way I wanted it to and grew angry that Marty wasn't taking enough initiative to fix it.  Finally, out of total frustration I asked God how to help Marty become all that I know he can be.

Two days later while doing my homework for a Bible study on the book of James God answered my plea but not the way I wanted.  It was a much much better answer.  We read, James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. We were asked to write down some of our trials and the options we have concerning them including considering it joy.  When I did that I realized how wrong I had been.  God took a mirror and held it up in front of my face so I saw just how ugly I was being.  I had promised my husband that I would support him.  Then when things got tough I bailed.  I gave up and went back on my word.   When things didn't go the way I wanted I stomped my feet and refused to keep moving.  Here I was grumbling to God about why won't my husband do this or that.  Why is he so distant?  Why doesn't he support me in this or that when all along I was the one who left him hanging.  I was the selfish brat.  I had to ask God to forgive me right then and there.

It took me 3 full days, but I finally got the courage to tell Marty that I had been deeply wrong toward him and that I would do whatever it takes to support him again.  Whatever it takes to help him pursue God's purpose for our lives.  My understanding husband offered forgiveness and words that put life back into my spirit.  He didn't think it would be good for our family if I went back to work full time but maybe part time.  We agreed to pray about it and see where God led but for now at least our hearts were beating to the same tune again.  A much happier tune, I might add.

Less than an hour later we discovered a part time help wanted ad for a business right here in town looking for my qualifications!  And it was less than a block from our house.  I put together a resume.  After 2 interviews and an assessment that nearly exploded my brain, I was offered the job.  We are hoping to trade my time doing things that I have no idea how to do, for time doing something I do know how to do in order to earn some money.  Then we can use that money to give to someone who knows how to fix this house.  It seems like a win win situation and the house burden is lifted off Marty's shoulders to free him up to seek God for the direction we need.  

So...if you want to stay exactly as you are and believe your fine then don't pray.  Because God loves us so much that when we ask Him, He will show us where we need to change.  And what's really awesome is that He will help us to do it, too.  It won't be easy.  It won't always be fun.  It won't even always feel good but...

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Many blessings,
Misty Sunshine


P.S.  In another answer to prayer, we finally got a puppy on Sunday.  We promised the kids over a year ago that we would get one when we moved.  We are all just absolutely in love with him.  He fits right in with us though we still can't agree on a name.  He is a mutt with some petite black lab and tri-color border collie for sure.  He's very smart but my, oh my, does he ever cry at night.  I hope I can stay awake for training at my new job.  :)


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Click this picture to learn more or donate.
My girls wanted to give Jesus a Christmas present this year of serving.  (See Christmas Stories or the WLMB interview)  They are trying to raise money to go to Mexico City this summer and help with child care, medical, dental and vision care in the city dumps.  They need to raise their support by the end of March so there isn't a lot of time.  Josh set them up on a website to raise funds or you can send the money directly to me.  Most of all please pray for them and their nervous Mom.  :)  Click on the picture to go to their fund raising site and learn more.
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Unexpected Gifts

2/12/2013

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Jared and Frank at Jared's Award Ceremony
A whirlwind of thoughts come to you today so I'm not exactly sure where to start.  I mentioned in a previous post that I would be writing this one someday.  Considering the Bible study I'm doing on James right now, it seems a very appropriate time to write it.  The house is on pause right now while we try to work through some things and gain a clearer plan.

Almost 7 years ago, we lost our home and van in a bankruptcy.  It's a long story but suffice it to say it was a terribly hard time in our lives that left us questioning EVERYTHING.  We ended up living 2 hours from home with a brand new baby, as well.  Though I can tell you story after story of God's faithful direction and provision in the midst, the storm still left us tattered.  One thing that we started to do was go to the weekly free dinners at a nearby church.

Making the decision to go and actually following through only came out of desperation and not desire.  I argued with God that  we weren't one of "those" people.  My whining fell on deaf ears.  When I look back on that I am ashamed that I thought that. If you had asked me if I stereo typed people I would have denied it, but in that statement a mirror was held up and I saw myself for the way I was.  I didn't know any of "those" people, I'd never even seen any of "those" people and already I had decided I wasn't like "them".

What we found at those dinners is a community of people.  They had lives like us.  They had dreams like us.  They had hurts and disappointments like us.  They had needs like us.  They had stories like us.  What I learned at those dinners is that:  Praise God, I am one of "those" people that He loves.  I think, too often, that as American Christians we get this idea that somehow God's favor rests on the prosperous and that those who have not must have done something to deserve it.  What we don't realize in that thinking is that it removes God's mercy believing that we can deserve good or bad based on our actions.  We even do Christmas programs about reaching out to the poor people and showing them Jesus so He can "fix" them.  It never occurs to us that maybe we can learn something from them.  Maybe they are the ones who have a deeper faith than we do because they have NO hope outside of Christ.

I have seen and been the recipient of gifts from the people at the dinners simply because they saw a need and understood it so they did what they could to help.  They gave deeply sometimes out of their own need because they know what it is to be in need.  They talk about praying and receiving an answer, too.  That's not to say that there are not those who need Jesus but we as a culture need to catch ourselves and realize Jesus doesn't necessarily "fix" the poor and if they have not it isn't necessarily because of some great sin in their life.  Maybe it's just the place God has them in right now to grow their faith even stronger.  And maybe we should open our ears and learn from them sometimes.  James 2: 5 Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? This is not something we like to think about because it means we are not in control.  It means our formulas that say do this and this to earn this don't always work.  This is a tough challenge but if you have the courage to read all of James, I think you will find truths in there that will rock your world.  It did mine and it continues to but I am not sorry.  I am grateful that God loves us so much he doesn't allow us to become mediocre and apathetic.

I will end by telling you a story that is very dear to my heart and I probably won't finish writing without tears pouring down my cheeks, which will be quite embarrassing here in the library but it is a story that needs to be told.

One of the days at a free dinner we found ourselves sitting across the table from an older gentleman.  The first thing most people would notice about him was his wheelchair and his missing leg.  His white hair was long and disheveled.  His clothes though clean were not crisp or pretty.  He had blue eyes that never really looked at you and a bushy white beard.  With him was a young man with tattoos and sagging pants.  If most of us saw them on the street we might even put ourselves between them and our children.  We would probably avoid looking them in the eye and try very hard not to stare at the yellow paper smiley face on the end of the stub where a leg should be.  But here we were sitting across from them at the table and about to eat a meal together.

We introduced ourselves and learned his name was Frank.  Frank asked if any of the kids liked to draw.  I was ready to answer for my kids that they really weren't into drawing much, when Jared said, "I do!  But I'm not very good at it."  I had never known this about my own son, until I learned it from Frank.  Frank's eyes lit up and a smile crossed his lips revealing perfectly straight white teeth as he reached into a dirty old satchel and pulled out a brown marker.  He started to ask the kids questions about what a tree looked like.  He spoke in details that I'd never considered.  As he talked he drew lines on the plastic tablecloth.  He talked about what a tree looks like in winter as opposed to summer.  He talked about what direction the sun would shine and how the snow would settle on the branches.  He had us all mesmerized as his marker moved gracefully over the once white plastic tablecloth. 

Then he said that we needed some sky and he pulled out a blue marker.  With just a few scribbles he transformed those brown squiggles on a white tablecloth into a silhouette of a tree on a bright sunny day with fresh snow all around.  Jared was amazed and so were the rest of us.  We tore that masterpiece off the table and Frank signed it.  We took it home and put it in a frame.

At another dinner we saw him again.  This time he brought some paper and he took Jared under his wing. They ate together almost every meal as Frank instructed, guided and encouraged the hidden gifts of a young boy.  Not long after we met him as we were leaving a dinner Jared gave Frank a great big hug.  I could see Frank's face as the shock was quickly replaced with puddles in his eyes.  I had to get in the van quickly so no one would see the puddles forming in my own eyes.  It occurred to me that most people probably don't give Frank a glance let alone a hug.  I was so happy to see my son break through that and just see his friend and mentor who deserved a hug.

A friendship grew between our family and Frank.  He came over for Bible studies and a few dinners.  He sometimes picked up Jared and they would go look at the trees.  His stories of faith were incredible and encouraging.  Josh started a website to try to help him sell his art.  Over the years I'm really not sure who has gained the greater gift Frank or Jared.  Jared went on to receive The Golden Paintbrush Award in his art class for being the outstanding freshman artist at his school, as well as being honored as a Gifted Artist.  He had a friend to talk to at a time when our own lives were so chaotic it was hard to give him that ear.  He even became more confident and able to sit still better, in order to focus on his school work.

Even since we moved away, Frank has come to visit us a couple times, so far.  I look forward to the day we can get our house more welcoming to his wheelchair so he can come visit even when it is too cold to sit on the porch.  Although, Jared recently told me that they had to take off the other leg, so driving here might be tricky for awhile.  There is some talk about him being able to possibly get two prosthesis so maybe it will be possible again.  All I know is that God took us low and at the bottom of the pit, we found a priceless treasure.  A treasure that we would have missed had He agreed with me and kept us from being one of "those" people. 

Do not be discouraged, even if you are at the bottom of the pit.  Maybe you are the priceless treasure that simply hasn't been dug up yet.

And do not be afraid to get a little dirty and dig.  You never know the treasures you may find.

Many Blessings,
Misty Sunshine
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Click on this picture to go to Frank's website created by Josh. There is more art there.
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This song goes along with what I've written quite well.
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Driving

2/7/2013

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Jared with the keys to our 15 passenger van.
Well, my third child now has the privilege to learn how to drive.  I took Jared to get his temps on Tuesday.  Then we headed to the park near our house to discover what it's like to control a 15 passenger van.  The only other option in our house is Josh's stick shift.

I put the van in park and walked around to the passenger seat.  Jared was in that seat almost faster than I was out of it.  I took a deep breath and started to explain what all the knobs and buttons were.  He was attentive at first but after a bit he couldn't contain himself any longer and shifted into drive.  You should have seen his eyes grow as the van crept forward.  "What?" he exclaimed.  "It's moving and I didn't even push anything!"  After that he put it back in park and seemed a bit more content to wait.  I continued explaining the boring knobs and he tried each one to see it work for himself.  He always was a hands on learner.

Finally I told him to put it in drive and let it roll forward so he could get a feel for steering.  He did but after only a moment he was pushing the acceleration pedal and causing the van to jerk forward before quickly stopping.  (He panicked and hit the brake.)  I just laughed.  His eyes were as big as dinner plates and sparkling blue like the ocean on a sunny day.  Everything about him glowed.  So it was a funny contrast to see the fear in his actions when his eyes were so thrilled.  

Eventually, he was actually driving sort of smoothly without the constant jerking as he tried to figure out just how much he needed to push that pedal to go.  It only lasted a minute before he was trying to see what 15 mph felt like but then quickly deciding to back off of the speed.  The park is just a one way loop and on such a cold day we were the only visitors.  He experimented with taking corners and staying on the road.  He was terrified and confident all at once.  Every time we came around the second curve he would slow way down to a crawl and go as far left as he could.  I let him go with it for several times around before I finally laughed out loud.  There was a tree near the edge and he was scared to death of hitting it but he wasn't even going to come close.  I told him that and the next time around he did it a little more in the middle but still very SLOW.  It was fun to watch him conquer his fear of that tree that really posed no harm.  By the time we left the park he was making the corner just as smoothly as the others which I wouldn't quite call "smooth" yet.

Time said we needed to head home and he was doing decent so I allowed him to drive through our very quiet little town to our house.  You could almost see his heart beating out of his chest as he realized he was actually going to be on the road.  The cars coming the opposite direction freaked him out but he stayed on the road even though verbally he was nervous.  We talked through stopping at stop signs and looking for traffic and judging when it's safe.  On one turn I reminded him to turn on his turn signal.  He quickly informed me that I forgot to show him where that was.  It kind of freaked him out but I simply showed him when we were in a safe spot to stop.

Once we arrived home, he jumped out of the car leaving the keys in and the lights on.  I sent him back to get the keys and turn out the lights.  He did and still beat me in the house with his long legged strides.  I could hear him shouting as the door shut behind him, "I drove the van!  ON THE ROAD!"  When I entered the house I was nearly bowled over by a giant bear hug and buried, I might add, in the chest of a rather massive but ecstatic son.  "Mommy, that was so scary and awesome!!"  Then he was off to tell the story to his brothers and sisters.  I just grinned and grinned and laughed.  It makes me so happy to see my kids that happy.

Kind made me wonder...we often think of being the passenger or co-pilot and letting Jesus drive  However, after this experience, I wonder...God didn't create us to just sit through life and be led around like puppets.  Just look at the Garden of Eden.  If he wanted puppets there would have been no Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  There would have been no choice.  I think at the right time He puts us in the driver's seat and says, "Let me teach you how to drive this thing called life."  That's not to say He ever leaves us or steps out of our lives, He just plays a different role just as we play different roles in the lives of our kids based on their age and level of maturity.

Jared is discovering this new freedom that he has never known and it is both terrifying and thrilling.  He is confident and yet realizing that with such freedom comes great responsibility for the lives of his passengers and the people in the cars around him, so it gives him a fear at the same time.  Jesus teaches us principles and ways to do things in His Word just as Jared had to pass a written test on the laws of driving.  Then God puts us in a safe place to test it out and see how this thing works, even though it doesn't always feel safe.  We try things and get excited and scared all at once but we are safe under His care despite those looming trees or cars coming the opposite direction.  Eventually, we will be able to face those things on auto pilot and won't even think much about them.  Then he will teach us the next thing and we will practice and practice and practice some more until one day he will give us our license and say, now it's time for the next level.

We will have to drive without actually seeing Him in the passenger seat and we will have to make choices as we drive, by remembering what He taught us.  Our character will be tested to see if we will abide by the laws even when no one appears to be looking.  We will know freedom to come and go or we will make poor choices and pay fines or maybe even loose our license (not salvation, freedom).  Hopefully we will not be so reckless as to wound anyone in the process but the truth is we do and we have to go back to our temps.  I wonder if during those times when we feel like He's distant, is He really just saying, it's your turn now.  Will you remember what I taught you?  Because once I can trust you to drive well, I can trust you to have passengers and I can use you to run errands for me.  And we can work as a team.


I imagine that the whole time his love for us is not hindered at all.  In fact, I think he rather enjoys getting to see us try and grow.  I bet we even make Him grin as He watches and treasures our attempts.  I know I will always treasure that day in the park with Jared.  I can't imagine God feels any less loving toward His children than I do toward mine.  After all it is because of His love for us that we can love anyone at all.

May we all learn to drive well on this journey called life and make Jesus grin in the process.

Many Blessings,
Misty Sunshine
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Jared with his temps.
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This is a 15 passenger van.
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