Click for a song that will encourage your soul.
Christmas morning was so much fun! We had gifts far beyond our ability to purchase and much more than we could have dreamed. We sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and Matthew. The food was yummy and everyone was in a good mood. Following Christmas we even had the opportunity to travel to a hotel where we went swimming and just plain hung out. The next day we visited the Creation Museum and planetarium. Then we got to visit with Marty's side of the family and see our old table refinished and repaired. Finally we headed home and visited with Patty who is here from Arizona. She was like a second mom to me and I haven't seen her for years. You would think that I would wake up the next morning just happy to be alive. I couldn't have imagined a nicer Christmas had I made it up myself but instead I woke up slapping the air at the tireless flies buzzing around my head.
The crack in the ceiling seemed bigger today. Taking a deep breath I could smell the awful "treasures" Alley cat had left me in the night and I could only hope it wasn't all over the floor again. The rough wooden floor boards felt dirty. I had to rummage through clothes to find something that fit. If only I could get a closet and actually unpack. I did a balancing act to open my wardrobe door grumbling because it didn't really open with the small space between my bed and the door. My to do list loomed like a skyscraper before me. Walking out of my room I was greeted with gifts strewn around that had no place they belonged. Furniture was moved into odd places to make room for the tree, "This is ridiculous," I complained as I climbed over the arm of the coach, which was the route of least resistance. Entering the dining room the missing wall drew my attention. Those studs are so ugly, not even the stockings made it look better. Shuffling into the kitchen I stubbed my toe on the raised sub floor filled with stains. A cold draft dropped down through the slats we call a ceiling and snowed insulation all over my counters. The overcast day only added to the gloom since the only kitchen light is a single bulb over the sink. Reaching into the dishwasher for a glass I found it to be less than clean. "Urgh!, I want my old dishwasher," I said to no one, "this one never cleans worth anything." After washing out the glass, I reached to turn on the Culligan only to be reminded that the tubing sprang a leak and Marty had to shut it off but hadn't had time to fix it yet. I put the glass back in the cupboard, "Lord," I said more out of habit than attitude, "where do I start?" I really wasn't listening just complaining some more and I headed for the laundry room. Piles of unwashed laundry filled the hallway and a few baskets of clean unfolded clothes baskets blocked the doorway. Turning on the light all I could see was the mess. After getting a load running I ascended the stairs, the holes in the wall were growing. I could tell because there were pieces of plaster I had to dodge. The floor covering was curling where the pieces came together and I tripped but didn't fall. "I hate that stuff," I thought as I made my way into the bathroom. Flipping on the light I could see new bubbles in the paint. The weight of all that needed done rested heavily on my shoulders, I had thought we at least accomplished this room. But of course, we don't know what we are doing so why would it be done right the first time? We have to strip all the new paint off, put a new kind of primer on and paint it all again! We painted before putting in the floor and cabinet on purpose. Eli called me from his room so I went to see what he needed. He couldn't find any pants. It's no wonder, the whole room is layers and layers of stuff. Josh got tired of the mess and cleaned his room depositing boxes of their packed toys into their room. The problem was, their room still had a bunch of stuff in it from Aunt Pete and their mattresses only left a tiny pathway. It didn't take long for even those to be filled up when they discovered their long lost toys were just under the flaps of each box. Add to that, the fact that I hadn't gone through their drawers in a year so the clothes that didn't fit were still in there leaving no room for the few that did fit and you have a recipe for major disaster area. I couldn't find any pants either so I went down and dug through the clean laundry to find a pair. Jared called me from the kitchen wondering what he could eat. I wished food had never been invented as I pushed this and that aside looking for something quick and satisfactory. Today was just not going to be a great day.
The girls had some returns to make so we headed to the mall. I felt as if my senses had been assaulted. I don't normally shop at the mall and really haven't been to one for awhile. All around me were signs and pictures even the shoppers themselves somehow reminding me how plain I've become. I felt so out of place in my worn out tennis shoes, baggy jeans and over-sized coat. Smells of all kinds made me want to buy food but that wasn't in the budget so I was reminded again that I don't have the privilege of wanting something and getting it. The price tags were overwhelming as I thought, this is a sale price???? After several hours of standing in lines and shopping we were finally able to get in the van and head home. I ached all over.
We drove home past pretty houses with nice landscaping. I wondered what they looked like inside. I imagined thick plush carpet and painted walls. Brightly lit kitchens with granite counter tops and appliances that work well. In some of the windows I could see big beautiful chandeliers and I could just picture the shiny wooden floors and decorations to welcome guests. I bet they even have a place to put coats and boots. I could almost smell the aromas of air fresheners that would make the scene complete, unlike the stench of a cat who only mostly uses the litter box. When I returned home I found my husband playing games with the boys. I chewed him out under my breath as I tried to put something together for supper. I burned the rolls because only the bottom element works in the oven. The noodles took forever to cook because the burner decides sometimes to shut off randomly. Matthew came in to see if he could cheer up my sour mood but instead he got an earful of how I can't stand this place and the mess and how I'm not getting what I wanted. Yes, I sounded like a spoiled brat as I climbed up and down the ladder to reach things I needed in the top cupboards. He left me alone to wallow in my own self pity.
Finally, I was quiet long enough for that prayer I'd uttered in the morning to be answered. Quietly in the back of my mind a thought emerged uninvited. It was so quiet at first that I almost didn't hear it but as I stormed around clattering pans it grew stronger. I pushed it aside, that was the last thing I needed right now. It came back again this time a little louder. "Godliness with contentment is great gain." So started my wrestling match with the Word.
"How am I supposed to be content living like this? I wanted to have Bible studies and welcome people into my home. How am I supposed to ever welcome people into this construction zone mess that will never be finished? My kids are too embarrassed to even invite their friends over, how will I ever reach out to others and show them You if they never come? How will I ever be able to take the time to write those books, if all my time is spent trying to figure out how to do things I don't even know how to do? When can I get the kids a puppy, that's what I promised them, instead, I have a cat. Not only that, it's the same cat that I didn't want 17 years ago! I can't keep up with the everyday stuff let alone trying to do all these projects to try to create some semblance of a home. I never wanted fancy but can I at least have nice? I know, I know...look at the people in third world countries, they would love to have all this. Well, if I lived like the people in third world countries the authorities would come and take my kids away for negligence and unsanitary conditions. If I lived in a third world country I'd blend in and my kids wouldn't have to feel like freaks, so don't even try to tell me about how good I have it compared to others. You want to compare? What about those people who live in nice houses with good jobs to pay for stuff? You want to compare? Let's compare that." I threw my tantrum and went on with my day thinking I'd won because that uninvited thought was silent.
Thankfully, God is too loving to let us get away with such foolishness. The next morning while all was quiet and I lay still in bed that thought was loud and clear. "Do you want to know how to be content? You don't do it by comparing yourself to others. If you look down, you only put others down to feel better. If you look up, you can never win. My story for them is different than My story for you. Do you really think you become content by comparing? You know better than that. Think about it. You know the answer, I've been teaching you for many years, you've just forgotten."
I pondered. The Bible could have just said, godliness is great gain but God wanted us to know that godliness with contentment is great gain so contentment must be something to be desired and sought after. But how? What is contentment anyway? Is it not wanting anything anymore? I don't think so. Wasn't Paul in prison when he said he had learned the secret of being content? I'm certain if offered freedom he wouldn't turn it down. I'm sure he thought of it often, in fact, in many of his letters to the churches he talks about his hope to be free and see them again. If contentment is to stop desiring a thing then Paul was not content and I'm not sure anyone ever could be. Where would the motivation and drive to do anything come from if contentment meant to stop desiring? So what is it?
I thought about my Dad and Mom. He was out of regular work for 8 years after being a manager at a company that downsized him out after 20 faithful years. If anyone has a right to be discontent it is my Dad but he is probably the most content person I know. He certainly desires things but those things don't own him.
A scene from Veggie Tales played in my mind over and over again. Larry was showing Bob all his gadgets and stuff that he had recently gotten. He was going on about the other things he also wanted when Bob interrupted him to ask, "Larry, how many things do you need before you can be happy?" Larry didn't miss a beat as he answered, "I don't know Bob. How many things are there?" It got me thinking. There will always be one more thing that would make life easier or nicer or more comfortable no matter how much I get. So, if being content isn't reaching some plateau of having enough and it isn't ceasing to desire or comparing myself to someone with less, what exactly is it?
It must be focusing on Jesus. Well, OK, that's the Sunday school answer. But what does that look like? Godliness requires focusing on Jesus.. How else can you be a reflection of Him, if you don't know what He's like? Why then is contentment something separate? Why does it bring great gain?
What does focusing on Jesus look like in my everyday to keep me content? I thought back through my sour attitudes. What if instead of looking at what others had and comparing myself or instead of looking at everything I want that I don't have, I simply looked at what I do have through Jesus? What if instead of complaining about the fly buzzing around, I thank God that I can wake up? What if I thank him for the ceiling I have and praise Him that it hasn't fallen down? Instead of being upset by the dust on the floors, I can thank Him that I have floors that aren't made of dirt and I even have a sweeper to clean them. In fact, the dust shows that we are working on the house, that's why it's so dusty! What if instead of grumbling about the tree and gifts strewn around, I am grateful for the fact that many people loved us enough to give us gifts and that Kristin got her wish. We had a tree up for Christmas, thanks to a ton of help from Marty's Mom as well as my kids and husband. Maybe instead of seeing how ugly the studs are I can be thankful for a sturdy house with such strong wood that will hopefully someday be covered again but this year it was the perfect place to put nails in the wall for stockings. The sub floor can remind me that God protected the house from extensive flood damage because of a kind neighbor who was tending to the cat that I didn't want. Besides with all the work that's being done on the house if it was a nice floor I'd be worrying myself silly over it getting ruined. So one dish didn't come clean? Wash it and be glad that because of your husband's hard work you didn't have to wash them ALL. Maybe Culligan is temporarily unavailable, that only makes it so I will appreciate it even more when I have it again and the reason Marty hasn't fixed it yet isn't because it's too hard or expensive it's just because he didn't have time. Why doesn't he have time? Because he has a job plus he's had the chance to substitute teach. Be glad for him and the fact that all his work is starting to pay off. Too much laundry? At least I have a place to wash it and a great washer to do it. It's even a cheerful place because I picked out cheerful colors and we worked hard to make it nice. Enjoy that you get to use it. Plaster crumbling and paint peeling? At least you have walls there and not studs. Why is Noah and Eli's room a disaster? Because they found their toys and they were playing instead of staring at a screen. And thank God you were able to find pants in the clean clothes even if they weren't folded and put away. The kids being hungry, well at least they aren't sick and they are home to eat! Having to dig through the food to find what you want, is that really so bad? God promised to supply all our needs, hasn't he done that in abundance. Shopping at the mall because some of the gifts didn't fit - isn't that what you wanted? Your girls got to pick out some really nice clothes and they don't have to feel like they are less than everyone else. Aching muscles, well good, you finally got some of that exercise you've been saying you wanted. Marty is actually playing with the boys and your complaining? Hello, isn't that what you pray for? He has some time to be with his kids, let him be. Maybe I'm the one who needs to lighten up. Yes, the stove and oven are annoying but God has already supplied the remedy. I brought my own stove with me, we just have to get the wiring done so we can hook it up.
Maybe, just maybe, the things keeping me from having a Bible study aren't my house, maybe it's my own attitude. Yes, I would say godliness is good. We should live lives that do what's right but if you add gratitude for what you have. If you add hope in spite of what you see. If you add recognizing the people who love you and take away the grumbling and complaining - now that's contentment and it definitely is GREAT GAIN!
I Timothy 6:6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
P.S. After coming to my senses and allowing God to grow contentment in me, I discovered something else cool about contentment. It's energizing! We live in a culture that is never content and always tired. Hmmm...
The crack in the ceiling seemed bigger today. Taking a deep breath I could smell the awful "treasures" Alley cat had left me in the night and I could only hope it wasn't all over the floor again. The rough wooden floor boards felt dirty. I had to rummage through clothes to find something that fit. If only I could get a closet and actually unpack. I did a balancing act to open my wardrobe door grumbling because it didn't really open with the small space between my bed and the door. My to do list loomed like a skyscraper before me. Walking out of my room I was greeted with gifts strewn around that had no place they belonged. Furniture was moved into odd places to make room for the tree, "This is ridiculous," I complained as I climbed over the arm of the coach, which was the route of least resistance. Entering the dining room the missing wall drew my attention. Those studs are so ugly, not even the stockings made it look better. Shuffling into the kitchen I stubbed my toe on the raised sub floor filled with stains. A cold draft dropped down through the slats we call a ceiling and snowed insulation all over my counters. The overcast day only added to the gloom since the only kitchen light is a single bulb over the sink. Reaching into the dishwasher for a glass I found it to be less than clean. "Urgh!, I want my old dishwasher," I said to no one, "this one never cleans worth anything." After washing out the glass, I reached to turn on the Culligan only to be reminded that the tubing sprang a leak and Marty had to shut it off but hadn't had time to fix it yet. I put the glass back in the cupboard, "Lord," I said more out of habit than attitude, "where do I start?" I really wasn't listening just complaining some more and I headed for the laundry room. Piles of unwashed laundry filled the hallway and a few baskets of clean unfolded clothes baskets blocked the doorway. Turning on the light all I could see was the mess. After getting a load running I ascended the stairs, the holes in the wall were growing. I could tell because there were pieces of plaster I had to dodge. The floor covering was curling where the pieces came together and I tripped but didn't fall. "I hate that stuff," I thought as I made my way into the bathroom. Flipping on the light I could see new bubbles in the paint. The weight of all that needed done rested heavily on my shoulders, I had thought we at least accomplished this room. But of course, we don't know what we are doing so why would it be done right the first time? We have to strip all the new paint off, put a new kind of primer on and paint it all again! We painted before putting in the floor and cabinet on purpose. Eli called me from his room so I went to see what he needed. He couldn't find any pants. It's no wonder, the whole room is layers and layers of stuff. Josh got tired of the mess and cleaned his room depositing boxes of their packed toys into their room. The problem was, their room still had a bunch of stuff in it from Aunt Pete and their mattresses only left a tiny pathway. It didn't take long for even those to be filled up when they discovered their long lost toys were just under the flaps of each box. Add to that, the fact that I hadn't gone through their drawers in a year so the clothes that didn't fit were still in there leaving no room for the few that did fit and you have a recipe for major disaster area. I couldn't find any pants either so I went down and dug through the clean laundry to find a pair. Jared called me from the kitchen wondering what he could eat. I wished food had never been invented as I pushed this and that aside looking for something quick and satisfactory. Today was just not going to be a great day.
The girls had some returns to make so we headed to the mall. I felt as if my senses had been assaulted. I don't normally shop at the mall and really haven't been to one for awhile. All around me were signs and pictures even the shoppers themselves somehow reminding me how plain I've become. I felt so out of place in my worn out tennis shoes, baggy jeans and over-sized coat. Smells of all kinds made me want to buy food but that wasn't in the budget so I was reminded again that I don't have the privilege of wanting something and getting it. The price tags were overwhelming as I thought, this is a sale price???? After several hours of standing in lines and shopping we were finally able to get in the van and head home. I ached all over.
We drove home past pretty houses with nice landscaping. I wondered what they looked like inside. I imagined thick plush carpet and painted walls. Brightly lit kitchens with granite counter tops and appliances that work well. In some of the windows I could see big beautiful chandeliers and I could just picture the shiny wooden floors and decorations to welcome guests. I bet they even have a place to put coats and boots. I could almost smell the aromas of air fresheners that would make the scene complete, unlike the stench of a cat who only mostly uses the litter box. When I returned home I found my husband playing games with the boys. I chewed him out under my breath as I tried to put something together for supper. I burned the rolls because only the bottom element works in the oven. The noodles took forever to cook because the burner decides sometimes to shut off randomly. Matthew came in to see if he could cheer up my sour mood but instead he got an earful of how I can't stand this place and the mess and how I'm not getting what I wanted. Yes, I sounded like a spoiled brat as I climbed up and down the ladder to reach things I needed in the top cupboards. He left me alone to wallow in my own self pity.
Finally, I was quiet long enough for that prayer I'd uttered in the morning to be answered. Quietly in the back of my mind a thought emerged uninvited. It was so quiet at first that I almost didn't hear it but as I stormed around clattering pans it grew stronger. I pushed it aside, that was the last thing I needed right now. It came back again this time a little louder. "Godliness with contentment is great gain." So started my wrestling match with the Word.
"How am I supposed to be content living like this? I wanted to have Bible studies and welcome people into my home. How am I supposed to ever welcome people into this construction zone mess that will never be finished? My kids are too embarrassed to even invite their friends over, how will I ever reach out to others and show them You if they never come? How will I ever be able to take the time to write those books, if all my time is spent trying to figure out how to do things I don't even know how to do? When can I get the kids a puppy, that's what I promised them, instead, I have a cat. Not only that, it's the same cat that I didn't want 17 years ago! I can't keep up with the everyday stuff let alone trying to do all these projects to try to create some semblance of a home. I never wanted fancy but can I at least have nice? I know, I know...look at the people in third world countries, they would love to have all this. Well, if I lived like the people in third world countries the authorities would come and take my kids away for negligence and unsanitary conditions. If I lived in a third world country I'd blend in and my kids wouldn't have to feel like freaks, so don't even try to tell me about how good I have it compared to others. You want to compare? What about those people who live in nice houses with good jobs to pay for stuff? You want to compare? Let's compare that." I threw my tantrum and went on with my day thinking I'd won because that uninvited thought was silent.
Thankfully, God is too loving to let us get away with such foolishness. The next morning while all was quiet and I lay still in bed that thought was loud and clear. "Do you want to know how to be content? You don't do it by comparing yourself to others. If you look down, you only put others down to feel better. If you look up, you can never win. My story for them is different than My story for you. Do you really think you become content by comparing? You know better than that. Think about it. You know the answer, I've been teaching you for many years, you've just forgotten."
I pondered. The Bible could have just said, godliness is great gain but God wanted us to know that godliness with contentment is great gain so contentment must be something to be desired and sought after. But how? What is contentment anyway? Is it not wanting anything anymore? I don't think so. Wasn't Paul in prison when he said he had learned the secret of being content? I'm certain if offered freedom he wouldn't turn it down. I'm sure he thought of it often, in fact, in many of his letters to the churches he talks about his hope to be free and see them again. If contentment is to stop desiring a thing then Paul was not content and I'm not sure anyone ever could be. Where would the motivation and drive to do anything come from if contentment meant to stop desiring? So what is it?
I thought about my Dad and Mom. He was out of regular work for 8 years after being a manager at a company that downsized him out after 20 faithful years. If anyone has a right to be discontent it is my Dad but he is probably the most content person I know. He certainly desires things but those things don't own him.
A scene from Veggie Tales played in my mind over and over again. Larry was showing Bob all his gadgets and stuff that he had recently gotten. He was going on about the other things he also wanted when Bob interrupted him to ask, "Larry, how many things do you need before you can be happy?" Larry didn't miss a beat as he answered, "I don't know Bob. How many things are there?" It got me thinking. There will always be one more thing that would make life easier or nicer or more comfortable no matter how much I get. So, if being content isn't reaching some plateau of having enough and it isn't ceasing to desire or comparing myself to someone with less, what exactly is it?
It must be focusing on Jesus. Well, OK, that's the Sunday school answer. But what does that look like? Godliness requires focusing on Jesus.. How else can you be a reflection of Him, if you don't know what He's like? Why then is contentment something separate? Why does it bring great gain?
What does focusing on Jesus look like in my everyday to keep me content? I thought back through my sour attitudes. What if instead of looking at what others had and comparing myself or instead of looking at everything I want that I don't have, I simply looked at what I do have through Jesus? What if instead of complaining about the fly buzzing around, I thank God that I can wake up? What if I thank him for the ceiling I have and praise Him that it hasn't fallen down? Instead of being upset by the dust on the floors, I can thank Him that I have floors that aren't made of dirt and I even have a sweeper to clean them. In fact, the dust shows that we are working on the house, that's why it's so dusty! What if instead of grumbling about the tree and gifts strewn around, I am grateful for the fact that many people loved us enough to give us gifts and that Kristin got her wish. We had a tree up for Christmas, thanks to a ton of help from Marty's Mom as well as my kids and husband. Maybe instead of seeing how ugly the studs are I can be thankful for a sturdy house with such strong wood that will hopefully someday be covered again but this year it was the perfect place to put nails in the wall for stockings. The sub floor can remind me that God protected the house from extensive flood damage because of a kind neighbor who was tending to the cat that I didn't want. Besides with all the work that's being done on the house if it was a nice floor I'd be worrying myself silly over it getting ruined. So one dish didn't come clean? Wash it and be glad that because of your husband's hard work you didn't have to wash them ALL. Maybe Culligan is temporarily unavailable, that only makes it so I will appreciate it even more when I have it again and the reason Marty hasn't fixed it yet isn't because it's too hard or expensive it's just because he didn't have time. Why doesn't he have time? Because he has a job plus he's had the chance to substitute teach. Be glad for him and the fact that all his work is starting to pay off. Too much laundry? At least I have a place to wash it and a great washer to do it. It's even a cheerful place because I picked out cheerful colors and we worked hard to make it nice. Enjoy that you get to use it. Plaster crumbling and paint peeling? At least you have walls there and not studs. Why is Noah and Eli's room a disaster? Because they found their toys and they were playing instead of staring at a screen. And thank God you were able to find pants in the clean clothes even if they weren't folded and put away. The kids being hungry, well at least they aren't sick and they are home to eat! Having to dig through the food to find what you want, is that really so bad? God promised to supply all our needs, hasn't he done that in abundance. Shopping at the mall because some of the gifts didn't fit - isn't that what you wanted? Your girls got to pick out some really nice clothes and they don't have to feel like they are less than everyone else. Aching muscles, well good, you finally got some of that exercise you've been saying you wanted. Marty is actually playing with the boys and your complaining? Hello, isn't that what you pray for? He has some time to be with his kids, let him be. Maybe I'm the one who needs to lighten up. Yes, the stove and oven are annoying but God has already supplied the remedy. I brought my own stove with me, we just have to get the wiring done so we can hook it up.
Maybe, just maybe, the things keeping me from having a Bible study aren't my house, maybe it's my own attitude. Yes, I would say godliness is good. We should live lives that do what's right but if you add gratitude for what you have. If you add hope in spite of what you see. If you add recognizing the people who love you and take away the grumbling and complaining - now that's contentment and it definitely is GREAT GAIN!
I Timothy 6:6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
P.S. After coming to my senses and allowing God to grow contentment in me, I discovered something else cool about contentment. It's energizing! We live in a culture that is never content and always tired. Hmmm...
 My son Josh is the drummer for this band. They just had a concert last weekend and they also have a CD out. It is all original music by these 3 guys.  Click here to go to Creation Museum's website. | This video was put together by Josh using footage that he took while we visited the Creation Museum. I thought it was really neat. |
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