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Wow, it's amazing what a little attitude change can do. I was getting so discouraged and overwhelmed but I told you about that last blog. After praying and asking for more contentment, I found I was much more energized and I could think much more clearly. I also discovered another little nugget to treasure.
I looked at the house and realized some things. First of all, it's been a year since we started coming to Pemberville from North Ridgeville every weekend to "work on the house". My mindset had nothing to do with moving in. I was thinking very much about how to get rid of clutter and fix walls and bathrooms or how I wanted to make the house work for us. I wasn't really thinking of "moving in", only of getting it ready. We worked on tearing out plaster or anything else that needed to go because we didn't have a lot of money to work with so we figured it was better to take care of the messy things first and that didn't cost anything until we had to pay for the dumpster.
When we moved in, I still lived in North Ridgeville for a week finishing my job. My thinking was use the living room as a storage unit and just get in but don't unpack anything there is still too much work that has to be done on the rooms before we fill them up with our stuff. I had this grand idea that we could have the upstairs finished before school started so everyone could move into their bedrooms and have a fresh start for a fresh new school. Well, we finished the bathroom before school but that was it.
Then cold weather was coming and we had to get the couch off the front porch so we shifted a lot of stuff around and created a spot for a couch. It was wonderful to finally have a place to relax but we were still surrounded by boxes and stuff that hadn't really moved in yet. Before I knew it the kids wanted to know where we would put a Christmas tree. So we decorated for Christmas and shifted more stuff to make a place for a tree.
Now Christmas is over and we live in a house that we never moved into. So I have been on a mission to make it a home for my family even though it isn't "ready". I had been avoiding that for fear that if we moved in we would become complacent about the cracked walls or lath ceiling and it would never be done. But when I took an honest assessment of the house it was a mess! We couldn't work on it if we had all the money and know how in the world. Thus began my challenge.
I started with the bedroom that Noah and Eli would share. It had layers of stuff but I forced myself to only look at what was in front of me and worked my way around the room. It took several days but eventually it took shape and finally we can walk into the room and even though it needs paint and repairs and flooring it feels like a bedroom. It feels like my children's bedroom.
I've been working my way through the house. I leave no box unopened and everything finds a place or goes to the garage sale pile or trash. I'm sure the trash collectors do not like us right now. I dust all the plaster powder off of things and sweep the floors. I arrange furniture to it's proper place and think about what works for us. It feels like maybe someone actually lives here. I'm working on the last 2 rooms now then I have to go in the basement and make some sense of it so we can use it as intended. My sister Hannah walked in this past weekend and made me smile as she exclaimed, "Misty, what did you do?! It feels so clean." Then she started trying to guess if I finished a wall or something. I never guessed a little cleaning would do that!
I discovered something else, that when you clean something you take ownership of it. I have been living in Aunt Pete's house but now that I have actually gone through each corner myself and become acquainted with it, a new sense has crept up on me that I didn't expect. I am starting to feel like this is my house. When I walk in the kitchen and work it feels like I'm working in my kitchen instead of feeling like I might mess up someone else's stuff. When I find something out of place instead of feeling a wave of stress wash over me because I don't know what to do with it, I gladly pick it up and put it where it belongs because it's my house and I know where it goes. I don't know how to put into words how satisfying that is. I had never imagined that cleaning something would do so much good.
It all got me thinking about something that I certainly wouldn't base my theology on but it was a thought. Noah and Eli were baptized on my birthday and a few weeks later Josh, Kristin and Victoria were also baptized. So now all of my kids have said publicly that they want to be obedient to Christ and be counted as one of His. I can't tell you how comforting that is. But cleaning my house to "move in" gave a new sense of meaning to baptism when I thought about my own experiences. It was my house before I cleaned it and started to "move in" but the feeling, the sense of belonging didn't come until I cleaned it and made it mine. Is that kind of what God does with baptism? Is that when he looks at all the corners and imperfections and figures out what His plan is for that home and cleans it to "move in"? Is that when the sense of ownership happens? I don't know and like I said it certainly isn't anything to build your faith on necessarily but it was a thought that for me gave an even deeper meaning to what my kids just recently did.
Or an even better analogy would be when we are going through trials and it seems like God is taking everything away. If the rooms I cleaned could talk they probably would have argued with me not to take everything out. But I had to. That's the only way to sort it and decide what was worth keeping and what wasn't. The room was just too cluttered. It may have begged me not to uncover that hidden corner where the piles of dust bunnies hid. But I had to in order to get it clean and use that space.for a much better purpose. It may have wanted me to keep that wall covered with stuff to hide the imperfections but I had to expose it in order to know how to fix the issues so it can be a beautiful and useful place. Sometimes I think we imagine that as God uncovers, unclutters, exposes and cleans our lives he must be so angry with us for all the mess but I have a different picture now. I didn't feel angry or upset, I felt energized and motivated to keep working. I felt ownership of it and it became mine. If God has to do the same for my life, I am willing if it will make me His own and it will make me useful to Him.
I've even had a few other awesome things happen since becoming more content. Marty was able to get the Culligan fixed and I can drink the water that I like best. We tried a different dish washer soap and it has made an incredible difference so that even my most caked on dishes come out clean and sparkling. I'm finding order in the chaos of my house. My Dad came over and got my stove hooked up so I can cook again! That prompted some rearranging in the kitchen. The changes are great and make it so much more user friendly, which makes it feel like mine. Marty even put a light on the ceiling so I don't have to use lamps in the kitchen. The lighting is 100% better and it makes everything feel so much happier! I've seen my girls leave the house with that glow about them that says I feel confident about myself as they try their new outfits. It has been great!
Now I'm not saying those things might not have happened anyway had I continued with my discontentment but what a wonderful gift it is to be content and recognize with gratitude the things that are going well instead of still feeling like it's just not enough.
Dear Lord,
I pray that You would continue to grow contentment in me, my family and all my blog friends as we travel this adventure together.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Another neat thing I wanted to share about when Josh, Kristin and Toria were baptized has nothing to do with cleaning but I hope it will encourage you to be persistent in your prayers. There was another girl who was baptized at the same time. Even now it still brings tears to my eyes. She shared that she started coming to this church about a year ago and wanted to give her life to Jesus publicly. My heart burst and I couldn't stop crying all through service. She was one of the foster kids Aunt Pete used to help with. Because I know Pete and her love for those kids. And because I know her last words to me were that she prays for us everyday, I know that I know Aunt Pete also prayed for this young girl. She had no family there to witness her baptism but we were there and we celebrated with her. And I know that if Pete were still here she would have been in the front row with tears of joy streaming down her face as she witnessed first this young girl then her nieces and nephew promise their lives to an incredible Lord who would someday bring us all together in a place where death can never steal us apart again.
You may grow weary in your prayers and want to give up but God hears them and He answers when the time is right and in the way that is best. It had been about a year ago that Pete went to be with Jesus and it was then that another one of her prayers were answered as this young girl started to go to church and met Jesus as her Savior. She is now good friends with my kids and goes to school with them. What a blessing!
I looked at the house and realized some things. First of all, it's been a year since we started coming to Pemberville from North Ridgeville every weekend to "work on the house". My mindset had nothing to do with moving in. I was thinking very much about how to get rid of clutter and fix walls and bathrooms or how I wanted to make the house work for us. I wasn't really thinking of "moving in", only of getting it ready. We worked on tearing out plaster or anything else that needed to go because we didn't have a lot of money to work with so we figured it was better to take care of the messy things first and that didn't cost anything until we had to pay for the dumpster.
When we moved in, I still lived in North Ridgeville for a week finishing my job. My thinking was use the living room as a storage unit and just get in but don't unpack anything there is still too much work that has to be done on the rooms before we fill them up with our stuff. I had this grand idea that we could have the upstairs finished before school started so everyone could move into their bedrooms and have a fresh start for a fresh new school. Well, we finished the bathroom before school but that was it.
Then cold weather was coming and we had to get the couch off the front porch so we shifted a lot of stuff around and created a spot for a couch. It was wonderful to finally have a place to relax but we were still surrounded by boxes and stuff that hadn't really moved in yet. Before I knew it the kids wanted to know where we would put a Christmas tree. So we decorated for Christmas and shifted more stuff to make a place for a tree.
Now Christmas is over and we live in a house that we never moved into. So I have been on a mission to make it a home for my family even though it isn't "ready". I had been avoiding that for fear that if we moved in we would become complacent about the cracked walls or lath ceiling and it would never be done. But when I took an honest assessment of the house it was a mess! We couldn't work on it if we had all the money and know how in the world. Thus began my challenge.
I started with the bedroom that Noah and Eli would share. It had layers of stuff but I forced myself to only look at what was in front of me and worked my way around the room. It took several days but eventually it took shape and finally we can walk into the room and even though it needs paint and repairs and flooring it feels like a bedroom. It feels like my children's bedroom.
I've been working my way through the house. I leave no box unopened and everything finds a place or goes to the garage sale pile or trash. I'm sure the trash collectors do not like us right now. I dust all the plaster powder off of things and sweep the floors. I arrange furniture to it's proper place and think about what works for us. It feels like maybe someone actually lives here. I'm working on the last 2 rooms now then I have to go in the basement and make some sense of it so we can use it as intended. My sister Hannah walked in this past weekend and made me smile as she exclaimed, "Misty, what did you do?! It feels so clean." Then she started trying to guess if I finished a wall or something. I never guessed a little cleaning would do that!
I discovered something else, that when you clean something you take ownership of it. I have been living in Aunt Pete's house but now that I have actually gone through each corner myself and become acquainted with it, a new sense has crept up on me that I didn't expect. I am starting to feel like this is my house. When I walk in the kitchen and work it feels like I'm working in my kitchen instead of feeling like I might mess up someone else's stuff. When I find something out of place instead of feeling a wave of stress wash over me because I don't know what to do with it, I gladly pick it up and put it where it belongs because it's my house and I know where it goes. I don't know how to put into words how satisfying that is. I had never imagined that cleaning something would do so much good.
It all got me thinking about something that I certainly wouldn't base my theology on but it was a thought. Noah and Eli were baptized on my birthday and a few weeks later Josh, Kristin and Victoria were also baptized. So now all of my kids have said publicly that they want to be obedient to Christ and be counted as one of His. I can't tell you how comforting that is. But cleaning my house to "move in" gave a new sense of meaning to baptism when I thought about my own experiences. It was my house before I cleaned it and started to "move in" but the feeling, the sense of belonging didn't come until I cleaned it and made it mine. Is that kind of what God does with baptism? Is that when he looks at all the corners and imperfections and figures out what His plan is for that home and cleans it to "move in"? Is that when the sense of ownership happens? I don't know and like I said it certainly isn't anything to build your faith on necessarily but it was a thought that for me gave an even deeper meaning to what my kids just recently did.
Or an even better analogy would be when we are going through trials and it seems like God is taking everything away. If the rooms I cleaned could talk they probably would have argued with me not to take everything out. But I had to. That's the only way to sort it and decide what was worth keeping and what wasn't. The room was just too cluttered. It may have begged me not to uncover that hidden corner where the piles of dust bunnies hid. But I had to in order to get it clean and use that space.for a much better purpose. It may have wanted me to keep that wall covered with stuff to hide the imperfections but I had to expose it in order to know how to fix the issues so it can be a beautiful and useful place. Sometimes I think we imagine that as God uncovers, unclutters, exposes and cleans our lives he must be so angry with us for all the mess but I have a different picture now. I didn't feel angry or upset, I felt energized and motivated to keep working. I felt ownership of it and it became mine. If God has to do the same for my life, I am willing if it will make me His own and it will make me useful to Him.
I've even had a few other awesome things happen since becoming more content. Marty was able to get the Culligan fixed and I can drink the water that I like best. We tried a different dish washer soap and it has made an incredible difference so that even my most caked on dishes come out clean and sparkling. I'm finding order in the chaos of my house. My Dad came over and got my stove hooked up so I can cook again! That prompted some rearranging in the kitchen. The changes are great and make it so much more user friendly, which makes it feel like mine. Marty even put a light on the ceiling so I don't have to use lamps in the kitchen. The lighting is 100% better and it makes everything feel so much happier! I've seen my girls leave the house with that glow about them that says I feel confident about myself as they try their new outfits. It has been great!
Now I'm not saying those things might not have happened anyway had I continued with my discontentment but what a wonderful gift it is to be content and recognize with gratitude the things that are going well instead of still feeling like it's just not enough.
Dear Lord,
I pray that You would continue to grow contentment in me, my family and all my blog friends as we travel this adventure together.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Another neat thing I wanted to share about when Josh, Kristin and Toria were baptized has nothing to do with cleaning but I hope it will encourage you to be persistent in your prayers. There was another girl who was baptized at the same time. Even now it still brings tears to my eyes. She shared that she started coming to this church about a year ago and wanted to give her life to Jesus publicly. My heart burst and I couldn't stop crying all through service. She was one of the foster kids Aunt Pete used to help with. Because I know Pete and her love for those kids. And because I know her last words to me were that she prays for us everyday, I know that I know Aunt Pete also prayed for this young girl. She had no family there to witness her baptism but we were there and we celebrated with her. And I know that if Pete were still here she would have been in the front row with tears of joy streaming down her face as she witnessed first this young girl then her nieces and nephew promise their lives to an incredible Lord who would someday bring us all together in a place where death can never steal us apart again.
You may grow weary in your prayers and want to give up but God hears them and He answers when the time is right and in the way that is best. It had been about a year ago that Pete went to be with Jesus and it was then that another one of her prayers were answered as this young girl started to go to church and met Jesus as her Savior. She is now good friends with my kids and goes to school with them. What a blessing!
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