Psalm 139:16b  Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.
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Hope

7/23/2013

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PictureClick the picture for a song of hope.
This summer has been very strange and I can't figure out how it is making me feel.  Shortly after school was out my kids started going to church camp which meant for 3 weeks I was missing people from around the dinner table.  Add to that my teenagers have all participated in some type of missions work which has pulled them away from my table again even longer.  And now that school is coming closer Jared is leaving for band camp and shortly after Victoria returns from Mexico City she will head to cross county camp.  I'm really looking forward to a couple weekends from now when thanks to an unexpected gift, all 9 of us will be together for a 2 night get away in a cabin at Mohican.  Just after that we will all be celebrating as we add yet another member to our family when Job marries my baby sister Hannah.  It will also be when we finally get to meet the newest current member - my littlest brother's daughter born on July 15th.  Then Joshua will start college, Kristin will be a Senior and Eli will be in school all day instead of half day.  It's kind of all hitting at once.

It doesn't seem like it was very long ago at all that I sat outside on our bench in the shade with a notebook writing my feelings about how I was failing as a Mom.  I was homeschooling and putting so much pressure on myself to be someone that doesn't exist in real life.  I'd had a particularly trying day and I remember writing, "I just need a giant F plastered on my forehead because that is what I am - a F-A-I-L-U-R-E."  I wanted so desperately to raise children who loved the Lord and lived their lives for Him.  I wanted them to know how to learn and I wanted them to be able to think through things instead of simply believing whatever was told them.  I wanted them to have compassion and care toward others, but instead I saw a bunch of kids being - well…kids.  I doubted that I was able to complete the task before me.  I doubted that they would ever be all that I hoped they would be, because I just knew I was failing as a mom.  The good news is that it drove me to my knees in prayer.

Since then, we have been through so many things that I never would have written into our lives.  We have been through things that have taken us to our limits and then some but in all of it we clung onto the only constant we knew - Jesus.  I remember at one time telling Him that I wasn't going to trust Him anymore because I just felt that He had let us down on some things.  It was kind of like he crossed His arms and leaned back with a grin as He said, Ok, then, who or what are you going to trust?  I started trying to name things or people but realized that every one of them had let me down in some way.  Finally, I had to admit that there was no other thing I could put my trust in.  Even when I felt God had let me down, looking back I knew He had really done what was best despite what my thoughts were on the issue.

Today it is with great joy that I have the privilege of sending those same kids who had me believing I was a failure out to Wyandotte to serve the community, pray for people and show kids God's love.  I get to send them to Mexico City where they will love the unlovable with God's love and serve them with hearts that understand.  Despite my doubts and failures, God is working in the lives that I have spent so many years praying into.  Funny thing though, I miss them like crazy and though I am thrilled beyond words at what God can do with failure, I am sad to know that it won't be long until they really do fly the nest.  I will miss those long late nights discussing life or wrestling through emotions that are strong.  I will miss being challenged in my own faith as I am questioned about things I never thought through.  I will even miss those arguments with fists pounding the table as they wrestle through making their own faith real.

Now before some of you start feeling guilty or bad let me say really really loud that it isn't too late.  Maybe you didn't do everything perfect, neither did I.  Maybe you have prayed and it feels like they are not being answered, let me just say life is messy.  Something Pastor Kevin used to always say, goes something like this:  Birth is loud and painful and messy but it's life, funerals are quiet and orderly.  Don't give up, keep praying even when it feels like they are going unanswered, especially then.  If you think that you can wrestle your children out of the kingdom of darkness without a bloody fight you are wrong.  We have to devote our lives to following after Christ and pray constantly for the lives of those we love.  I just have such a strong sense of wanting to encourage you to not give up.  Those who have been forgiven most will love the most.  Isn't that what Jesus said about the sinful woman.  None of us want our kids to go through things that hurt, it goes against our nature as parents but covered in prayer it will bring them out stronger and better able to conquer the enemy.

If you doubt that's ok.  Pastor Scott pointed out some awesome things about doubt in his sermon Sunday that I never realized.  I had always heard about having to have faith and if things didn't work out it's because you didn't have enough faith.  But look at what Matthew 28 says, "16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Despite their doubt Jesus gave them actions to follow and they changed the world.  We cannot be good enough to do all things perfectly and God knows that.  Jesus wasn't putting his faith in them to accomplish, He was putting it in His Father to accomplish through them despite their doubt. 

Remember the man who's son had an evil spirit and Jesus asked him if he believed.  The man answered, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”  Jesus knows we are weak and He loves to reach out to those who are reaching toward Him.  Keep reaching for Him and if things don't go as you want at least you will have His comforting arms to hold you through it.

I still have 2 little ones that are being molded and I find myself doubting that I can do it well, especially since I am so stretched with working and having teens involved in so many things.  I still have 5 teens to get through their teen years which can be awesome one second and awful the next, there are no guarantees that they will finish strong.  I walk through my house and though I am thankful, I find myself doubting that I will ever be able to feel like it's nice.  But I will not let it get me down.  My God is bigger than my doubt and I will keep reaching toward Him for hope until Heaven when I will be perfect and never doubt again.

Dear Lord,
I have such a burden right now for those who read this and think that they have a giant F on their forehead.  I pray that you would encourage their spirit and let them know in their heart of hearts that You haven’t given up and neither should they.  Bring them someone to speak encouragement into their lives that will offer them hope to face today.  Let the joy of the Lord be their strength as they face each challenge before them. 
In Jesus name,
Amen.



Pics I pulled off facebook.  Mexico City pictures are still in Mexico.  Keep them in prayer, please.

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Every Moment Counts

7/16/2013

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PictureThis is my Mom and a song that reminds me of her & Dad.
We had a family get together again on July 4th.  Every time we do that I count my blessings because I have an awesome family.  It makes me sad to hear others talk about family gatherings with less enthusiasm than a root canal.  Once at the store I heard someone saying they were buying beer so they could get drunk enough to endure their family for a couple hours.  We were together not just on the 4th but also the 5th and the 6th because we wanted to be together and no one was drunk.  We had planned to tent camp in my brother's yard but  due to our very wet summer we opted for indoors.  Aaron does not have a large house, it is a simple, welcoming 3 bedroom with one bathroom but somehow we fit all 23 of us in.  Mostly we enjoyed being outside in their large yard or swimming in the pond.  These are the things memories are made of.

We've started a new tradition of celebrating birthdays by the season so we joined our birthdays with the country's and just celebrated all weekend.  As part of this new tradition we pray for each birthday person so each night we prayed for a couple people at a time around the campfire.  That left just my Mom who hadn't yet been prayed for.  Another new tradition is that we all go in on one gift and we all sign one sheet of paper that my sister decorates as our card for each person.  So on Saturday we sang "Happy Birthday" five times and gave a gift and a card to each person saving Mom for last. 

Being the oldest child I had the privilege of opening in prayer then my Dad closed.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I listened while my siblings thanked God for our mom.  I thought of all the things she has given to us and what a treasure they are.  We've never had lots of money but somehow as kids we didn't know it.  She gave us love unconditionally and she believed in us even when we couldn't believe in our selves because she knew the power of the God that she diligently sought on our behalf.  She showed us patience and consistency.  She knew us and encouraged us to pursue what we loved.  She let us know when we did wrong and set us back on the right path.  She was never too busy for us when we needed her and somehow the necessary things still got done.  She taught us responsibility with chores.  She taught us to do our best and never give up.  I could go on but you get the idea.  :)

I was struck with inspiration as her children-in-law gave thanks for her and I realized just how much she welcomed them into the family like one of her own.  In fact, it felt funny to write in-laws because we just don't think of each other that way.  I hear so many jokes and stories about bad in-laws but Mom has modeled for us what a good in-law looks like. 

As her grandchild prayed for her I was awed by the legacy this simple woman is leaving.  Sitting in that room were 23 people brought together by this one couple and that isn't even all of us, we were missing my sister in California and my brother in Michigan.  All together, because of my parents there is a family of 30 who love the Lord and each other.  I remember the stories she would tell us of being a teen and spotting my really cute dad.  They have such an interesting story that I hope to someday write a book about it called "Little Sleeping Bag on the Highway".  I got my name from hippies.  :)

I wonder when she traded seashells on the beach with my dad if she had any idea that her everyday simple choices would someday contribute to the Kingdom of God.  When her baby faith kept her from seeking fulfillment in the drugs my dad tried did she know she was protecting many lives.  When she prayed for my dad's salvation and even for him to have a bad trip could she have guessed what an incredibly strong faith that man would one day posses.  When she carried me in her arms along the highway or when she was awakened from her sleep by a voice calling my name to stop before I ran into the highway, could she have any guess that one day those tiny little arms would carry 7 little ones who would call her Grandma.  As each of her children were born and she poured her life into each one, did she imagine that one day they would rise up and call her blessed?  

When our teen hearts were broken and she prayed for our spouses- to- be did she imagine each one of them as the perfect match that they are.  Did she love them even then?  When we were upset with our spouse and we called her to vent she didn't take sides but offered her quiet enduring example and prayed.  Did she know she was protecting marriages and strengthening them?  Did she realize the little eyes of grandchildren who were watching and counting on her to help keep their parents strong?

If you ask her she would say she is just a wife or just a mom or just a grandma but look what she has done with that!  It was a very tangible reminder of how every little choice we make, every little time we choose to keep God first we affect not just our future but the future of generations.  Let this be a reminder to us all that every moment matters.  But let me also remind you that God is redemptive and His love covers over a multitude of sins.  Mom wasn't perfect and she didn't always get it right but somehow we forget those times when we see the consistency of her life seeking her Lord.  God is a God of grace and he loves to pour it out on those whose hearts are seeking Him.  Keep your eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith.  Hang in there and don't give up.  Others are watching you and gaining strength.

One last thought for those of you who have prodigal children - as long as they are breathing they cannot escape your prayers.  It would take too long to tell of each of my & my siblings stories but all of us would say, "Mom prayed us through some dark times."  Do not let shame grip your heart and pray boldly for the children or spouse you love so much.  Know that Jesus loves them even more.  Remember the first children were perfect.  They had a perfect father and everything they could ever desire but they still chose sin.  Their father didn't give up on them, don't you give up either.

Dear Lord,

I pray for all who read this blog that they would be encouraged by the simple faith and life of my very quiet mother.  I pray that you would strengthen the hearts of the weary parents who feel as if they are losing the battle.  Bring people into their path who would encourage them in just they way they need to hang on.  Remind discouraged "just moms" or "just dads" how very important they are to You and give them joy for the journey.  Bring the hearts of the children to a relationship with You.  Your servants grow weary in this war torn land, Lord, let Your joy be their strength and wisdom be their path.

In Jesus name,

Amen. 


Our Family Gathering

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Blessed

7/1/2013

3 Comments

 
PictureClick picture for a song.
Sometimes I wish my life could be a book but probably not for the reasons you might think a writer would think that. It's so that I could write into my life - "Some time later..."  Or maybe "After awhile..."  I wouldn't actually have to walk through the seconds of the mundane or the struggle.  I would just skip over that part for the sake of the reader.  But life doesn't work that way.  We must wake up each morning, put one foot in front of the other and live every moment of our days - good, bad or indifferent.  I would like to write to you and say that after some time I am just fine with our house and we are all completely satisfied with how our lives are.  I guess that would make for a pretty boring book, so God the author of our lives keeps us interesting making our lives a story worth reading.  I do sometimes wish for a boring chapter though.

Nothing has changed on the house.  The counters still fill up with dishes and the laundry room is never empty.  Puppy's toys are forever being stepped on and someone is always in the bathroom when you need it, but that isn't so different from other houses, if my guess is right.  I have been considering all the good that has come from moving here.  I'll try to name a few:  Timing was perfect - it allowed Joshua to graduate and Kristin to start at Penta just when she needed to.  We live in a town that is quiet and "safe".  We have no business being able to live here on our income but in God's grace we are privileged to sit outside and let our kids go to the pool and not be afraid.  Noah and Eli have learned to swim and all the kids love hanging out at the pool.  All of us have lost weight and feel healthier.  We are at a church that is good for our whole family. Josh has had many opportunities to use his musical talents in the way he feels he ought.  Jared is getting to rise up as a leader and being given freedom to teach and learn. Kristin has made friends both saved and not yet but we have the privilege of loving them into the family of God.  Victoria is running cross country and track and marching in the band.  She is stretching herself in ways she never has and she is growing stronger in the Lord.  Matthew is finding work and getting to earn a little for his hard work.  Noah and Eli are gaining confidence and friends and they are allowed to play outside so much more. We finally got the puppy everyone wanted.  Marty is getting to coach and substitute teach.  I am working only part time and we are still paying all of our bills.  We are home owners.  We have been closer to family both to help them and receive help from them.  AND it has been such a joy actually going to kids programs and having their grandparents get to come.

All of these things and more are possible in whole or in part because we moved here.  God is so good and kind.  His ways are so much greater than ours.    Yet, I still struggle with wanting a nicer looking house and I grow impatient in the wait, because I can't just skip ahead to the chapter where I have truly learned contentment in it's full measure.

Something I did notice though that I thought I might share because I know I'm not the only one on earth who has ever desired something they don't have.  I know I am not the only person who has had to let dreams be rearranged by life.  I know I am not the only person that has sought something and not gotten it.  I noticed this when I had some time to let the fact that we didn't get the loan sink in.  I became "lost".  I had spent so much time and energy thinking about and planning and expecting, that I suddenly had no idea what to do with myself.  I had a hard time doing the normal everyday stuff because honestly, I felt like, "What's the point?  This is how it is.  This is how it always will be.  Why bother."  Then I was hit with a realization.  I had been so consumed with making the house into what I wanted that it became the thing I sought.  It became my reason for accomplishing. It became what woke me up in the morning.  And that, my friends, is not OK.  I was not created to pour my all into a project.  I was not designed to seek first the roof and windows.  I was created to pour my all in to the work set before me by my Lord.  I was designed to seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness.  Even though there is nothing wrong with a home and wanting to fix it and make it nice, there is something wrong with putting that first in your life and God will not share first place.  He won't share it with our family or friends or dreams or ministries.  He must be first and I had gotten my eyes off of that.  I could tell you a lot of good reasons that I needed to focus on the house but that didn't make it right to seek that above all else.  

I don't know what God's plan is for the house but I must trust Him one day at at time to take care of our needs.  Pastor Scott has said multiple times that to be blessed is to have what you need to accomplish what God has for you to do and to be cursed is to lack what you to need to accomplish what He wants.  When I consider that definition of blessing instead of the world's which says you have to have the nicest and the best, I realize just how truly and absolutely blessed we are.  Our house doesn't have to be pretty to welcome in a friend and love on them.  Our house doesn't have to be pretty to relate to a new neighbor who is having landlord issues and feels their home is lesser.  Our house doesn't have to be pretty to have deep spiritual discussions with my teenagers as they wrestle with the things they read in scripture.  It doesn't have to be pretty to give someone a smile when you walk down the street and see their entire countenance lift.  We have been able to do and be so many things for His Kingdom and not one of them requires that our house is pretty.  We are BLESSED!  

My hope is that you will read this and be encouraged to look at all that you have been blessed with and take your eyes off of what you think you need.  If you need it God has promised to give it.  Maybe what we are considering a need God knows is not and that's why we don't have it, despite our greatest efforts.  Instead of wondering what we've done wrong to deserve such lack, we should look at all we do have and ask what is it that You want me to do with this?  If we can change our thinking and get our minds off of our selves and our own plans maybe it would position us to better hear His plans and use what He has already provided.  There is no satisfaction like that which Jesus can give when He speaks to our hearts, "Well done".  Enjoy your journey until next time.

Many many blessings in Christ,
Misty Sunshine

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